Okay, I imagine myself a fairly intelligent person. I can spell words over five letters, though I always wondered why 'vomiting' has only one 't' and, get this: bean, wean, Sean. English language, right? One of the toughest, and that's for natives too! While I can't figure out all the complexities of our language, there's something bigger I can't figure out: politics.
Politics is just a giant ball of who-are-we-pleasing-today-and-for-how-much-money. I can't stand it and I don't get it. The two coincide. I do, however, get morality. I feel I've got a good sense of right and wrong. Helping others to get clean water is good. Killing innocent human beings is wrong. Enter politics. Now how many people do we 'save' when we take over their land to 'help' them? And what exactly classifies as a human being? "Look! I'm being good!" said the snake while he brought food to the little child, also while he silently choked its mother. Something's not right with that picture.
If we have a funny feeling about something, like did-I-leave-the-oven-on type feeling, then we should probably listen to it and check things out. Worry is a self-preservation mechanism and, when in check of course, helps us to survive. Instinct is how we lived this long in history. Lack of it is perhaps why many other creatures are extinct (aside other outside forces.) But I digress...
I wonder sometimes if we've lost that instinct. We were mostly raised to be respectful from generation to generation. We were taught through the centuries that hard work usually paid off. We were shown lesson after of lesson that douche-bag leaders don't benefit the general population in the end. Speaking in human-kind terms, what happened to our sense of awareness, our sense of where-the-heck-is-this-leading? We've lost the desire for family and community values and replaced it with 'me' values. We've lost the hard-work-pays-off method and traded it for gimme-it-now-for-free. We buy into things I don't think our ancestors would have accepted and we flip the channel when we're sick of arguing, as though it will go away.
Our country went from a free nation of people looking out for themselves and their families and communities, to a nation where we're afraid to speak out and offend someone... a nation where we're not allowed to express our beliefs for fear of a lawsuit... a nation where defending the innocent means being labeled anti-women's rights... a nation where we may not be allowed to defend ourselves from physical danger and we can hardly defend our children from moral danger. I could go on, but it's late and I'm not feeling that eloquent tonight.
Yes, it's a rant but a short one (for me) and here's the question: do we still have those instincts? Are they intact? Is the red light going off? For many of my friends, it is, God love them. For the nation, I'm sorry but I feel like it's more this: "Hey, there's an annoying red light going off! Damn that red light! Let's complain about it! Arghh..." What we do about it is yet to be seen.
There's a Hole in the Bucket, Dear - SHINY!
I don't know which way is up sometimes.
{I swear I came to this webpage for a reason... Is that water on the bathroom floor. <Getting a towel...> Oh, forgot to turn the nightlight on. Should I shower now? No, I should finish email and check on... Ooh, haven't posted for the ministry today: doing that now. I forgot to email this person, so doing that... Wait, I need to check my calendar. Right! That's why I was on that page...}
Yeah, so uh, it's kinda like that. Yesterday I was singing along to KLove while uploading pictures from Creationfest and checking charts for work remotely. I tell people that my mind is like an octopus: if all the tentacles aren't busy, it'll start walking away. Somehow, I was never diagnosed with ADD as a child. (And I got by, but that's another story for another campfire, er, blog.)
Really, I need to stop thinking altogether sometimes. If I think about the calendar, I think about appointments and due dates. Then I think about how to rob Peter to pay Paul. Then I think about which medical things to hold off to avoid more money issues. Then I think about the fall and looming soccer schedules, Religious Ed and CYM curriculum, dry needs for volunteers and participants in some places, and the inability to stay on task in other areas. Then I have heart palpitations. (No, that's not a literal medical concern of mine - Thank God!)
Either I start carrying Ativan and a paper bag at all times, or else I really need to learn to let go and let God. I have two kids, a working husband and a full time job - these are blessings, not burdens! Cavities and muscle spasms are peanuts compared to real problems some people face. Still, the cross you bare sucks the most for you - because it's yours. Dear Jesus, give me strength, and fortitude, and wisdom, and knowledge, and a clue... I'm like a blind duck searching the desert for a lake, and I forgot I have wings.
I just bookmarked all the YM resource links I wanted to save and cleared out my inbox. That was a task! Yay, accomplishment! Now to get to that tack list I mentally created for myself to do this week while I'm on non-stage-crew-vacation. Oh look, it's Friday night of said week. Yup - it's like that. On the upside, which I must continuously remind myself, I started a new series of bedtime stories for my kids (Chronicles of Prydain) so Mama points! Lloyd Alexander to the rescue, but if only I had a real Hen Wen.
Is blogging on my tack list, no. But it's a release, a much needed release. Now I do need to send that email, and I do need to wrestle that list a little more before bed. Tomorrow, some of those things can be handled with children. It's a definite possible maybe. (zoning out...) Okay - back on ta- SHINY!
{I swear I came to this webpage for a reason... Is that water on the bathroom floor. <Getting a towel...> Oh, forgot to turn the nightlight on. Should I shower now? No, I should finish email and check on... Ooh, haven't posted for the ministry today: doing that now. I forgot to email this person, so doing that... Wait, I need to check my calendar. Right! That's why I was on that page...}
Yeah, so uh, it's kinda like that. Yesterday I was singing along to KLove while uploading pictures from Creationfest and checking charts for work remotely. I tell people that my mind is like an octopus: if all the tentacles aren't busy, it'll start walking away. Somehow, I was never diagnosed with ADD as a child. (And I got by, but that's another story for another campfire, er, blog.)
Really, I need to stop thinking altogether sometimes. If I think about the calendar, I think about appointments and due dates. Then I think about how to rob Peter to pay Paul. Then I think about which medical things to hold off to avoid more money issues. Then I think about the fall and looming soccer schedules, Religious Ed and CYM curriculum, dry needs for volunteers and participants in some places, and the inability to stay on task in other areas. Then I have heart palpitations. (No, that's not a literal medical concern of mine - Thank God!)
Either I start carrying Ativan and a paper bag at all times, or else I really need to learn to let go and let God. I have two kids, a working husband and a full time job - these are blessings, not burdens! Cavities and muscle spasms are peanuts compared to real problems some people face. Still, the cross you bare sucks the most for you - because it's yours. Dear Jesus, give me strength, and fortitude, and wisdom, and knowledge, and a clue... I'm like a blind duck searching the desert for a lake, and I forgot I have wings.
I just bookmarked all the YM resource links I wanted to save and cleared out my inbox. That was a task! Yay, accomplishment! Now to get to that tack list I mentally created for myself to do this week while I'm on non-stage-crew-vacation. Oh look, it's Friday night of said week. Yup - it's like that. On the upside, which I must continuously remind myself, I started a new series of bedtime stories for my kids (Chronicles of Prydain) so Mama points! Lloyd Alexander to the rescue, but if only I had a real Hen Wen.
Is blogging on my tack list, no. But it's a release, a much needed release. Now I do need to send that email, and I do need to wrestle that list a little more before bed. Tomorrow, some of those things can be handled with children. It's a definite possible maybe. (zoning out...) Okay - back on ta- SHINY!
One-Step Parenting: Tough Love (and true Love!)
Those who know me (really well) know that I've come a long way in the parenting world. Let's face it, I'm a mean mama.
I sound awful don't I? This should help...
I was picking them up from our town's school-run day camp and the teacher couldn't stop telling me how wonderful they were. They were extremely polite, best behaved, completely independent, and very smart, and they weren't too upset when they missed the water slide (which was done in the AM session.) She didn't stop about it! I smiled and said, "I'm a mean mama. I say 'no' a lot and they're used to disappointment. I also make them do things for themselves." "Well," she smiled, "good job!"
- I say no, I ignore, I restrict, and demand chores, I let them cry and freak out, and I often demand that they stop crying and stop freaking out.
- When they're too tired and want to be carried, I say, "Yeah, me too," and continue walking.
- When they're whining that they're only hungry for ice cream, I tell them it will cause bad poops and nightmares to eat ice cream before grow-strong food and I don't want to hear them complain all night.
- When they're whining that they're too tired, I offer for them to go to bed or take a nap.
- When there's 'too many' toys to clean up, I say, "I bet they'd fit in a trash bag! Let's find out!" (Kudos to my BFF for actually sweeping them into a pile this week and causing a frantic clean-up session. Parenting tip: only start with toys you won't miss and that you know they can get over. Hide them, then days or weeks later decided whether or not to find them. Be prepared for loudness and treat this trick with care.)
- I do not allow them to leave the table before being dismissed.
- No one gets anything without asking politely and whining the word 'please' after being asked doesn't count.
- Leaving the table forfeits dessert.
- After leaving the table, they must leave the kitchen so as not to disturb those eating and having nice meal conversation.
- No stuffed 'friends' or toys at the table, that includes the chairs.
- No food or drink allowed at the computer, period.
- Tub toys are tub toys; no other toys are; they are not exchangeable.
- Treat books with respect, period.
- When they whine and fight, unless it's physical or obviously unfair, I state once to, "work it out yourselves as best friends should," then ignore them. I will only intervene if it gets too intense. I make it clear that their 'job in life' is to make their sibling happy. (I treat it similar to a marriage where the greater good is done by putting the other person first.)
- I make them put toys away where they belong or it's just not put away yet.
- I say, "Yes if..." and stick to it; when they fail, they fail. (I try to help them succeed.)
- If they want to achieve something new, I teach them and make them learn by doing, even if they want to give up. In those times, I say, "it's your choice, but if you want it, you need to keep trying. I can't do that for you."
- I make them go potty by themselves when I know they're only whining for me for company. (I'll stand outside the door for their privacy.)
I sound awful don't I? This should help...
- I throw them in bathing suits on hot days and let them paint outside, artist style on the old shed we don't care about.
- I let them eat ice cream or dessert before supper... (yes, seriously) when they haven't had junk all day and I know they like supper and it's not for a while.
- I typically don't say no to food requests unless right before a meal, and they never request anything unreasonable. (My kids snack on vegetables from carrots to zucchini!)
- I let them, very occasionally, eat dinner on their kid trays during a movie.
- I get stuff done and they actually eat well!
- Books are ALWAYS allowed, sometimes after being tucked in as well. Then, they get one book each, may not share, must read 'in your head silently' and leave the book at the foot of your bed when finished. The only exception is when bedtime has come and gone due to childish 'delays.'
- I'm not afraid to let them play with toy weapons at home, which they seldom do. (We've made it clear and understood no weapons, imaginary or otherwise, at any school/camp setting.)
- I let them get pre-poured-and-capped juice from the fridge first thing in the morning and turn on the TV (left on Disney) or (without juice) turn on the computer with their login and play games. Yup, I'm mean and lazy.
- My house is littered with their artwork which they put up pretty much anywhere.
- They pick it: from library books to projects they want to make at home to racing RC cars or going on a nature hunt. (Kudos again to the BFF for the awesome solar systems hanging so well-balanced in our living room and their bedroom!)
- I give music, dance, karate, riding (given by Trisha!), writing, reading, painting, science, math, geography, you-name-it lessons when requested. Yes, they request lots.
I was picking them up from our town's school-run day camp and the teacher couldn't stop telling me how wonderful they were. They were extremely polite, best behaved, completely independent, and very smart, and they weren't too upset when they missed the water slide (which was done in the AM session.) She didn't stop about it! I smiled and said, "I'm a mean mama. I say 'no' a lot and they're used to disappointment. I also make them do things for themselves." "Well," she smiled, "good job!"
The Biggest Challenge is Recognizing the Challenge
{Yes, I really do need to write more than once a month...}
I was heavy on the ADD today at work and couldn't focus, but once home it was put to good use. I had the kids in bed asleep, the kitchen cleaned, and the husband off to work before 9:15! Hey, that's pretty good for me! Plenty of time to write and chill, sotospeak in this heat.
I hope everyone else is finding a way to stay cool this summer. For me, staying cool is all about prayer. Dear Lord don't let the power go out again! Okay, not (just) that kind of prayer. We've been rather attacked with bills and financial crunches lately, more than ever for us. This always happens after we re-commit to some calling, some endeavor. We're currently focused on two right now: sponsoring another child and Catholic Youth Ministry. Our financial crunches are everything from utilities to medical bills to upcoming college payments (for the BFF, not the kids yet!)
Best way to not freak out, and believe me, the numbers would have me freaking out... Prayer. I get on my knees every night and lay it all on the line. Haggai 2:8, "All of the gold and the silver are mine, says the Lord." He also said, "Give to Cesar what is Cesar's." So wait, you mean the money is the Lord's or Cesar's?
The riches of the world, the nuts and bolts of what makes the world work, from produce to metal, is the Lord's. The fake printed stuff and all the bureaucracy to go with it, is the government's. Play the game and follow the rules in the country you're in, but know that the Lord can pull any strings He wants. Work like it depends on you; pray like it depends on God. That's been pretty drilled into my head by now, though it did take a while.
So we play the rob Peter to pay Paul thing once in a while. I have it in my heart that someday we'll be debt-free, but I'm not stressing over it right now. Right now I pray we stay afloat and make it by season at a time. When I feel myself slipping, ADD mind wandering into non-peaceful territory and losing patience, I stop and pray. I literally turn to Him in my mind and say, "Help! Talk to me and get my mind off this stuff! I know you'll take care where we can't but I can't see it for myself yet!"
I also have to realize that we were doing fine until we started focusing on more Godly callings. It's not like we've spent more money or starting sponsoring that second child yet. We've talked about it and mentally committed to the youth ministry with emails and plans to get this Teen Mass happening in the fall. Then, like a left hook, BAM! Crap happens. Cars make noises. Gas seems to run out quicker. Bills roll in faster. Needs happen fast and furious. Crunch! But when I realize that it's all a challenge, that it's a test of faith and a direct result of committing to His call, I wipe it away. Not the bills and RL things... I wish I could do that!
I wipe away the fears, the anxiety, the apprehension of starting new things and finding time for them. I turn to my Creator and ask for guidance. I was on a retreat in Fall River called Emmaus when I was college. Someone explained the word 'guidance' as meaning God+you+I=dance. He knows the way, the steps, the whole routine; let Him lead. I'm not afraid to move forward with these endeavors. I'm, well, sometimes nervous, but I'm not backing down. He's for me, so who can be against me? He's for all of us, and yet we fear. It's a big what-if, but what if we all united and stepped into the heart of fear and took the Love of Christ with us and brandished faith like no other and tore down the walls of doubt? Is the challenge too big? Not for One, and He's leading me. What have I to fear? (Sense a Casting Crowns song here?)
So off I go to do battle with a few dragons, thankfully not the fire-breathing kind, though you never know in this heat. We've already conquered a few little ones, but not until we acknowledged, out-loud, verbally, that this was a direct attack against our heavenly commitment, and prayed about it. God didn't set us up to watch us fail. There's a young girl who needs a sponsor and is too old to be chosen by most. There's a faith community whose teens need spiritual guidance outside the usual weekly Mass and Religious Ed classes. There's probably more, but my head can only take so much at a time. Maybe I could commit to writing a little more often.
I was heavy on the ADD today at work and couldn't focus, but once home it was put to good use. I had the kids in bed asleep, the kitchen cleaned, and the husband off to work before 9:15! Hey, that's pretty good for me! Plenty of time to write and chill, sotospeak in this heat.
I hope everyone else is finding a way to stay cool this summer. For me, staying cool is all about prayer. Dear Lord don't let the power go out again! Okay, not (just) that kind of prayer. We've been rather attacked with bills and financial crunches lately, more than ever for us. This always happens after we re-commit to some calling, some endeavor. We're currently focused on two right now: sponsoring another child and Catholic Youth Ministry. Our financial crunches are everything from utilities to medical bills to upcoming college payments (for the BFF, not the kids yet!)
Best way to not freak out, and believe me, the numbers would have me freaking out... Prayer. I get on my knees every night and lay it all on the line. Haggai 2:8, "All of the gold and the silver are mine, says the Lord." He also said, "Give to Cesar what is Cesar's." So wait, you mean the money is the Lord's or Cesar's?
The riches of the world, the nuts and bolts of what makes the world work, from produce to metal, is the Lord's. The fake printed stuff and all the bureaucracy to go with it, is the government's. Play the game and follow the rules in the country you're in, but know that the Lord can pull any strings He wants. Work like it depends on you; pray like it depends on God. That's been pretty drilled into my head by now, though it did take a while.
So we play the rob Peter to pay Paul thing once in a while. I have it in my heart that someday we'll be debt-free, but I'm not stressing over it right now. Right now I pray we stay afloat and make it by season at a time. When I feel myself slipping, ADD mind wandering into non-peaceful territory and losing patience, I stop and pray. I literally turn to Him in my mind and say, "Help! Talk to me and get my mind off this stuff! I know you'll take care where we can't but I can't see it for myself yet!"
I also have to realize that we were doing fine until we started focusing on more Godly callings. It's not like we've spent more money or starting sponsoring that second child yet. We've talked about it and mentally committed to the youth ministry with emails and plans to get this Teen Mass happening in the fall. Then, like a left hook, BAM! Crap happens. Cars make noises. Gas seems to run out quicker. Bills roll in faster. Needs happen fast and furious. Crunch! But when I realize that it's all a challenge, that it's a test of faith and a direct result of committing to His call, I wipe it away. Not the bills and RL things... I wish I could do that!
I wipe away the fears, the anxiety, the apprehension of starting new things and finding time for them. I turn to my Creator and ask for guidance. I was on a retreat in Fall River called Emmaus when I was college. Someone explained the word 'guidance' as meaning God+you+I=dance. He knows the way, the steps, the whole routine; let Him lead. I'm not afraid to move forward with these endeavors. I'm, well, sometimes nervous, but I'm not backing down. He's for me, so who can be against me? He's for all of us, and yet we fear. It's a big what-if, but what if we all united and stepped into the heart of fear and took the Love of Christ with us and brandished faith like no other and tore down the walls of doubt? Is the challenge too big? Not for One, and He's leading me. What have I to fear? (Sense a Casting Crowns song here?)
So off I go to do battle with a few dragons, thankfully not the fire-breathing kind, though you never know in this heat. We've already conquered a few little ones, but not until we acknowledged, out-loud, verbally, that this was a direct attack against our heavenly commitment, and prayed about it. God didn't set us up to watch us fail. There's a young girl who needs a sponsor and is too old to be chosen by most. There's a faith community whose teens need spiritual guidance outside the usual weekly Mass and Religious Ed classes. There's probably more, but my head can only take so much at a time. Maybe I could commit to writing a little more often.
Can You Write It Out?
A little grammar lesson:
Ya - Knock it off, will ya?
You - Thank you.
Ye - Hear ye, hear ye!
Yeah - Yeah, that's right.
Yay - I have a moment to blog? Yay!
Yea - Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death...
Yes - Yes, this is something I need to get off my chest.
We type out quick messages on Facebook, Twitter, or texts but do we take the time to think about what we're typing? When I was in school (here we go... yeah shut up,) we had to do our own grammar and spell check. Okay, I had some help, but we still did a fair load of handwritten stuff. Now everyone relies completely on spell check and grammar check. Now there's auto-correct, filled with a vague sense of humor no doubt. Does anyone know how to spell off the top of his or her head anymore, or how to form a proper sentence?
Less versus fewer = Can you count it? Fewer. Can you measure it? Less.
Holding up to these simple things? Don't worry; my brain doesn't get much more advanced these days. I do, however, have a fondness for semicolons. They tend to get shirked in modern writing, or so I've noticed. Also, did you know that punctuation belongs inside the parenthesis (even though it looks weird to me?)
Effect/affect = noun/verb
Spelling affects your grade. Properly spell and good grades may be the effect.
Don't even get me started on non-compound words like "alot." <shivers> Seriously? I dislike that a lot... A <space> LOT! Ahem... Sorry.
I'll leave widows and orphans and complicated rules like, "kill your darlings," "lose the articles," and "no 'be's allowed" out of it. Oh, the quote thing is like the parenthesis thing: punctuation goes inside.
A final note, one worth mentioning as it's still fluid in the ever-changing world of common grammar... Preventive and preventative are, in fact, interchangeable; however, the former is often an adjective while the latter is often a noun.
Yes, I'll correct papers for ya if you want. But mind ye, yea though I love writing I'm busy. So, I'll say, "Yay!" to the opportunity but later, "Yeah, I'll get to it."
Ya - Knock it off, will ya?
You - Thank you.
Ye - Hear ye, hear ye!
Yeah - Yeah, that's right.
Yay - I have a moment to blog? Yay!
Yea - Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death...
Yes - Yes, this is something I need to get off my chest.
We type out quick messages on Facebook, Twitter, or texts but do we take the time to think about what we're typing? When I was in school (here we go... yeah shut up,) we had to do our own grammar and spell check. Okay, I had some help, but we still did a fair load of handwritten stuff. Now everyone relies completely on spell check and grammar check. Now there's auto-correct, filled with a vague sense of humor no doubt. Does anyone know how to spell off the top of his or her head anymore, or how to form a proper sentence?
Less versus fewer = Can you count it? Fewer. Can you measure it? Less.
Holding up to these simple things? Don't worry; my brain doesn't get much more advanced these days. I do, however, have a fondness for semicolons. They tend to get shirked in modern writing, or so I've noticed. Also, did you know that punctuation belongs inside the parenthesis (even though it looks weird to me?)
Effect/affect = noun/verb
Spelling affects your grade. Properly spell and good grades may be the effect.
Don't even get me started on non-compound words like "alot." <shivers> Seriously? I dislike that a lot... A <space> LOT! Ahem... Sorry.
I'll leave widows and orphans and complicated rules like, "kill your darlings," "lose the articles," and "no 'be's allowed" out of it. Oh, the quote thing is like the parenthesis thing: punctuation goes inside.
A final note, one worth mentioning as it's still fluid in the ever-changing world of common grammar... Preventive and preventative are, in fact, interchangeable; however, the former is often an adjective while the latter is often a noun.
Yes, I'll correct papers for ya if you want. But mind ye, yea though I love writing I'm busy. So, I'll say, "Yay!" to the opportunity but later, "Yeah, I'll get to it."
Zoobean: The Future Catalog of Children's Books
A few months back I received an email from my brother in Texas stating something like, "Hey, you're a mom and you like children's books. Check out this cool idea my former boss is doing."
[Such was my initial introduction to Zoobean.] I followed the link to a survey which asked me about buying children's book, my thoughts on the quality of children's books, and how easy to find I felt good children's books were. I answered as best I could finishing with a 'yes' on whether or not I'd like to be contacted further. I was interested, not only because I valued my brother's opinion of 'cool' (a little sister's habit, true,) but because I liked the implication of a website that made finding particular children's subjects, down to the character demographics, easier. By the way this targets ages 2-8, and since my kids are 4 and 5, well, obviously...
I did what any interested mother/writer/person-with-free-time (wait-that's-not-me) would do. I applied to help build the database of books. Building? Books? Lots and lots of data? So up my alley. I started working with Felix and Jordan and many other wonderful curators as we poured through children's books cataloging and posting and helping to create a database of children's books the likes of which the web has never before seen. Truthfully, I was a little over-zealous at times and probably curated a little more quantity than quality at times. Thankfully, Jordan was checking for the utmost quality and has only allowed the best books to move onto the site. [Check out the Zoobean Blog for the story of how Felix and Jordan thought up this creative venture!]
Little vague still? For example, I pick a book... Let's use Emilie P. Bush's Steamduck Learns to Fly for instance. Yes the author and illustrator, William Kevin Petty, are listed. So is the Lexile measure (which indicates reading level and such,) character backgrounds, settings, subjects, language, format, and so much more. Emilie's book is cataloged with inventions, physics, rhymes, robots, transportation, how to, identity, and more. Every tidbit of information is considered in every book so that parents can search on all aspects and choose the book that's best for their child based on their needs. It really can't get more specific. [By the way, awesome book!]
I was completely sold on the concept and wanted to see it, well, fly. I guess I wouldn't be writing about Zoobean now if I wasn't convinced it's a great new way to find great books for your kids. And it's not just for the newest books out there. Classics like Ferdinand or Where the Wild Things Are are in there too. This isn't just for promoting new titles, but for sharing loved titles which we remember from our childhood. My BFF and I love seeing our kids light up as we turn the familiar pages of our youth.
While everyone worked towards making the database, Felix and Jordan worked towards plugging in every book to the site. As if that weren't enough, they created the Love Collection. This involves a group of books which have been particularly singled out as being especially great and a portion of the proceeds from these books will go towards a children's literacy charity. A different book is featured each month from a list chosen by the curators. Making something awesome and giving back? How cool is that?
Okay, Caroline, it's totally a sales pitch... There's another reason I'm extra excited about this, and wish it existed ages ago. An older friend of mine recalls a book from his childhood which he loved but the title escapes him. It was about children who went on a raft and got stuck down the river. The whole story is about getting unstuck. The last line of the book, when they're all in bed and their mother is tucking them in, is something like, "'Stuck,' said little Bill." I've searched high and low to help him find this book and it's nowhere! No catalog anywhere has the details needed to weed through countless books, in print or not, to find this book. Granted I have very little to go on. Zoobean is a new concept that solves this issue, if only there were a time machine.
Interested? If nothing else, it's a database of books and what's the loss in hunting through a database? We search Amazon and Barnes all the time, right? There's nowhere near as much detail there and those books haven't been as hand-picked by parents as the books on Zoobean. And besides, Zoobean... it's such a cute name, isn't it?
Well, thanks for reading through my story, and excitement. I really think Zoobean is on to something big. The database is constantly growing and with the countless hours, and love, put into the site, it can't be anything but great. Seriously, check it out and see for yourself, and for your kids. This was well worth my time and blog-space to get the word out.
[Such was my initial introduction to Zoobean.] I followed the link to a survey which asked me about buying children's book, my thoughts on the quality of children's books, and how easy to find I felt good children's books were. I answered as best I could finishing with a 'yes' on whether or not I'd like to be contacted further. I was interested, not only because I valued my brother's opinion of 'cool' (a little sister's habit, true,) but because I liked the implication of a website that made finding particular children's subjects, down to the character demographics, easier. By the way this targets ages 2-8, and since my kids are 4 and 5, well, obviously...
I did what any interested mother/writer/person-with-free-time (wait-that's-not-me) would do. I applied to help build the database of books. Building? Books? Lots and lots of data? So up my alley. I started working with Felix and Jordan and many other wonderful curators as we poured through children's books cataloging and posting and helping to create a database of children's books the likes of which the web has never before seen. Truthfully, I was a little over-zealous at times and probably curated a little more quantity than quality at times. Thankfully, Jordan was checking for the utmost quality and has only allowed the best books to move onto the site. [Check out the Zoobean Blog for the story of how Felix and Jordan thought up this creative venture!]
Little vague still? For example, I pick a book... Let's use Emilie P. Bush's Steamduck Learns to Fly for instance. Yes the author and illustrator, William Kevin Petty, are listed. So is the Lexile measure (which indicates reading level and such,) character backgrounds, settings, subjects, language, format, and so much more. Emilie's book is cataloged with inventions, physics, rhymes, robots, transportation, how to, identity, and more. Every tidbit of information is considered in every book so that parents can search on all aspects and choose the book that's best for their child based on their needs. It really can't get more specific. [By the way, awesome book!]
I was completely sold on the concept and wanted to see it, well, fly. I guess I wouldn't be writing about Zoobean now if I wasn't convinced it's a great new way to find great books for your kids. And it's not just for the newest books out there. Classics like Ferdinand or Where the Wild Things Are are in there too. This isn't just for promoting new titles, but for sharing loved titles which we remember from our childhood. My BFF and I love seeing our kids light up as we turn the familiar pages of our youth.
While everyone worked towards making the database, Felix and Jordan worked towards plugging in every book to the site. As if that weren't enough, they created the Love Collection. This involves a group of books which have been particularly singled out as being especially great and a portion of the proceeds from these books will go towards a children's literacy charity. A different book is featured each month from a list chosen by the curators. Making something awesome and giving back? How cool is that?
Okay, Caroline, it's totally a sales pitch... There's another reason I'm extra excited about this, and wish it existed ages ago. An older friend of mine recalls a book from his childhood which he loved but the title escapes him. It was about children who went on a raft and got stuck down the river. The whole story is about getting unstuck. The last line of the book, when they're all in bed and their mother is tucking them in, is something like, "'Stuck,' said little Bill." I've searched high and low to help him find this book and it's nowhere! No catalog anywhere has the details needed to weed through countless books, in print or not, to find this book. Granted I have very little to go on. Zoobean is a new concept that solves this issue, if only there were a time machine.
Interested? If nothing else, it's a database of books and what's the loss in hunting through a database? We search Amazon and Barnes all the time, right? There's nowhere near as much detail there and those books haven't been as hand-picked by parents as the books on Zoobean. And besides, Zoobean... it's such a cute name, isn't it?
Well, thanks for reading through my story, and excitement. I really think Zoobean is on to something big. The database is constantly growing and with the countless hours, and love, put into the site, it can't be anything but great. Seriously, check it out and see for yourself, and for your kids. This was well worth my time and blog-space to get the word out.
A Tribute to Proper Healthcare
I've certainly had my fair share of hospital stays. True it could always be worse, but I'm really all set with spending my time in a hospital bed. I know I'm not the only person who feels that way. Who likes having to spend a day or more on a gurney or an in-patient bed, with an IV off your arm that may or may not have been placed properly, and with limited channels and pretty much nothing good on TV. Oh and chances are if you're there, you're hurting in some way.
All that said, it's pretty damn important to have whole process go smoothly to make the event as comfortable as possible. From the ER receptionist to the triage nurse, from the OR nurse to the anesthesiologist or the MD, from the in-patient nurse (post-op) to the aides. So kudos to the hospitals that can pull this off with medical and non-medical staff and practices and policies that work.
In this case, it was Lowell General Hospital. I have to say the ER was hopping for it being 1:30 in the morning. That considered (and there's fewer staff at that hour,) I was triaged fairly quickly then not much later sent to a room (in the ER.) Of course with kidney stone pain, it felt like days. Many more hours passed before there was a plan, but the nurses were on top of checking in, keeping me informed, and getting the process moving. The only downfall to that department was the nurse who put my IV in. Didn't ask, but I didn't intervene since I thought I'd get meds and go home after making a urology appointment. Nope, I should've stopped her. First of all, my veins are ginormous and my skin is transparent. So, kind nurse, grabbing my right arm and needing to fish around ("veins roll") for a vein that's visible and pinchable (practically) was a little unusual. Also, she placed it so near the bend that I couldn't move my arm without occlusion. Again, she was super sweet, just not a quick study in the IV world. So I dealt with that until about 10:00 in the morning. Maybe a little earlier. I can't remember, but there was a CT scan in there somewhere.
In the OR, waiting to talk to the on-call urologist who had yet to show up (as he was called in with me the emergency,) the nurses were constantly checking on me. I didn't even mind the multiple repetitive questions from each person involved in my care. I certainly didn't expect this place to be next, or at all, but docs didn't like the CT which showed a 5mm stone stuck at the bottom of my ureter. Guess I didn't like it either, nor my body as it led to infection. What I was most concerned about was making sure I wasn't getting a stent as my last experience with that did not go well. When I finally got to talk to my urologist, he was very patient and understanding, but also firm that I needed the stent. My other option was a kidney drain; no thanks. Lithotripsy was sadly out of the question due to the infection. He explained everything to me, he even understood my misgivings. Realizing I really had no choice, and that my doctor was really looking out for my health and made every effort to keep me informed, I had to concede. I also should've called the BFF right away, no cell signal in the OR, but I was taken so quickly and my head was spinning... I dropped that ball. So apologies to the nurses and doctor that had to deal with my fuming hubby. Props to the doc for talking him down nicely. I must've apologized enough to him later, I hope.
I went in, I woke up. I wake up quickly so I got a quick talk with the doc before he called Jess. When he finished (the desk he used was basically at the foot of my bed) I apologized again, both for being resistant at first and for angry hubby. He graciously said Jess was fine and no problem. I knew better, but that's okay. Every point of contact during my 39 hour 'visit' was easy going, helpful, and kind. Of course if you know me, you know I chatted it up with almost everyone. ER doc and I chatted about EMRs, talked with a nurse about her kids schooling, another nurse was the weather, yet another nurse was about his boards. One of the nurses even switched my occluding IV line to the top of my left forearm. I have awesome veins there, and despite that she looked about 18, she stuck it in 2 seconds flat. Perfect relief, and I could use both arms freely.
On the meds: while narcotics are most common for kidney stone patients, I don't do well with them. I requested Toradol, which is like a heavy ibuprofen that doesn't kill your stomach (when taken properly.) Happily, I got it. Check that out! Medical personnel who listen to patients who know their bodies? Refreshing! I'll spare you the details but I was fighting infection and once my bloodwork looked better and my fever was gone, I could go home. The best was getting a visit from my lit'uns and hubby. The in-laws also visiting, which was nice. And the best-best part was a late visit from the BFF where my cribbage comeback was stinky... hehe, yup, I skunked him. Irony was that all those hours spent together in the ER and we barely talked (okay I was hurting) and on the post-op floor we were limited on time since he needed to go to bed, at home. (By the way, lit'uns stayed with my rents.)
So I can't say to make a long story short; it's too late, but it could've been longer. But I can say that (initial IV aside) it was as comfortable as a kidney stone episode could be. Informative doctors and nurses. Quick request response. No resistance when looking to check on things or ask my doctor something. And speedy discharge.
Thank you to all who wished me well, and especially to those who prayed. I do have to deal with a stent but so far it's miles better than 11 years ago, plus the doctor isn't a prick this time. I hope I can make this the road to solving my kidney quarry. I'm really all set with getting further acquainted with the hospital staff, wonderful though they've been. Truly all it takes to make a shitty situation less shitty, is efficient and effective and courteous healthcare from all angles.
All that said, it's pretty damn important to have whole process go smoothly to make the event as comfortable as possible. From the ER receptionist to the triage nurse, from the OR nurse to the anesthesiologist or the MD, from the in-patient nurse (post-op) to the aides. So kudos to the hospitals that can pull this off with medical and non-medical staff and practices and policies that work.
In this case, it was Lowell General Hospital. I have to say the ER was hopping for it being 1:30 in the morning. That considered (and there's fewer staff at that hour,) I was triaged fairly quickly then not much later sent to a room (in the ER.) Of course with kidney stone pain, it felt like days. Many more hours passed before there was a plan, but the nurses were on top of checking in, keeping me informed, and getting the process moving. The only downfall to that department was the nurse who put my IV in. Didn't ask, but I didn't intervene since I thought I'd get meds and go home after making a urology appointment. Nope, I should've stopped her. First of all, my veins are ginormous and my skin is transparent. So, kind nurse, grabbing my right arm and needing to fish around ("veins roll") for a vein that's visible and pinchable (practically) was a little unusual. Also, she placed it so near the bend that I couldn't move my arm without occlusion. Again, she was super sweet, just not a quick study in the IV world. So I dealt with that until about 10:00 in the morning. Maybe a little earlier. I can't remember, but there was a CT scan in there somewhere.
In the OR, waiting to talk to the on-call urologist who had yet to show up (as he was called in with me the emergency,) the nurses were constantly checking on me. I didn't even mind the multiple repetitive questions from each person involved in my care. I certainly didn't expect this place to be next, or at all, but docs didn't like the CT which showed a 5mm stone stuck at the bottom of my ureter. Guess I didn't like it either, nor my body as it led to infection. What I was most concerned about was making sure I wasn't getting a stent as my last experience with that did not go well. When I finally got to talk to my urologist, he was very patient and understanding, but also firm that I needed the stent. My other option was a kidney drain; no thanks. Lithotripsy was sadly out of the question due to the infection. He explained everything to me, he even understood my misgivings. Realizing I really had no choice, and that my doctor was really looking out for my health and made every effort to keep me informed, I had to concede. I also should've called the BFF right away, no cell signal in the OR, but I was taken so quickly and my head was spinning... I dropped that ball. So apologies to the nurses and doctor that had to deal with my fuming hubby. Props to the doc for talking him down nicely. I must've apologized enough to him later, I hope.
I went in, I woke up. I wake up quickly so I got a quick talk with the doc before he called Jess. When he finished (the desk he used was basically at the foot of my bed) I apologized again, both for being resistant at first and for angry hubby. He graciously said Jess was fine and no problem. I knew better, but that's okay. Every point of contact during my 39 hour 'visit' was easy going, helpful, and kind. Of course if you know me, you know I chatted it up with almost everyone. ER doc and I chatted about EMRs, talked with a nurse about her kids schooling, another nurse was the weather, yet another nurse was about his boards. One of the nurses even switched my occluding IV line to the top of my left forearm. I have awesome veins there, and despite that she looked about 18, she stuck it in 2 seconds flat. Perfect relief, and I could use both arms freely.
On the meds: while narcotics are most common for kidney stone patients, I don't do well with them. I requested Toradol, which is like a heavy ibuprofen that doesn't kill your stomach (when taken properly.) Happily, I got it. Check that out! Medical personnel who listen to patients who know their bodies? Refreshing! I'll spare you the details but I was fighting infection and once my bloodwork looked better and my fever was gone, I could go home. The best was getting a visit from my lit'uns and hubby. The in-laws also visiting, which was nice. And the best-best part was a late visit from the BFF where my cribbage comeback was stinky... hehe, yup, I skunked him. Irony was that all those hours spent together in the ER and we barely talked (okay I was hurting) and on the post-op floor we were limited on time since he needed to go to bed, at home. (By the way, lit'uns stayed with my rents.)
So I can't say to make a long story short; it's too late, but it could've been longer. But I can say that (initial IV aside) it was as comfortable as a kidney stone episode could be. Informative doctors and nurses. Quick request response. No resistance when looking to check on things or ask my doctor something. And speedy discharge.
Thank you to all who wished me well, and especially to those who prayed. I do have to deal with a stent but so far it's miles better than 11 years ago, plus the doctor isn't a prick this time. I hope I can make this the road to solving my kidney quarry. I'm really all set with getting further acquainted with the hospital staff, wonderful though they've been. Truly all it takes to make a shitty situation less shitty, is efficient and effective and courteous healthcare from all angles.
Blessed
When I read that first clear line that told me my life was going to change forever, Jesse and I were excited and apprehensive. We were right to feel both.
Two children, a house, a cat, and many schedule changes later, we're well pleased... but we hardly have time to talk about such things. Over the last five or so years, Jesse and I have basically been flying at break-neck speeds, dodging bills and managing usual family needs. From birthday planning to clothing needs, work deadlines to school payments, we've teamed up pretty well... but where's 'us?'
Since moving to Tewksbury, Jesse and I have become more involved in our parish. We were always involved in our faith, but now we're connecting with people who live nearby and that we see weekly, not yearly. I'm teaching Religious Ed, we're building a youth ministry, and we're participating in Marriage Prep.
They may be small moments, and it may have taken five years to get to a point where we can do these things, but it's been more than worth it. Oh, and it's not about getting away from the kids. We've enjoyed those lit'uns all the while. We especially loving them now that they're able to do so much more, yet not too old to want to be only with their friends. Somehow, through teamwork and solid management, we've made this little family life work. And when I wonder how we'll somehow manage in the future, I realize one thing: Somehow=God.
Two children, a house, a cat, and many schedule changes later, we're well pleased... but we hardly have time to talk about such things. Over the last five or so years, Jesse and I have basically been flying at break-neck speeds, dodging bills and managing usual family needs. From birthday planning to clothing needs, work deadlines to school payments, we've teamed up pretty well... but where's 'us?'
Since moving to Tewksbury, Jesse and I have become more involved in our parish. We were always involved in our faith, but now we're connecting with people who live nearby and that we see weekly, not yearly. I'm teaching Religious Ed, we're building a youth ministry, and we're participating in Marriage Prep.
They may be small moments, and it may have taken five years to get to a point where we can do these things, but it's been more than worth it. Oh, and it's not about getting away from the kids. We've enjoyed those lit'uns all the while. We especially loving them now that they're able to do so much more, yet not too old to want to be only with their friends. Somehow, through teamwork and solid management, we've made this little family life work. And when I wonder how we'll somehow manage in the future, I realize one thing: Somehow=God.
Don't Bother Reading Unless You Know Me... Well...
Sorry readers who don't know me well enough. And sorry to those who do. I
know I sound bat-shit crazy in this blog, but I need to express.
I have a dream I'm running around a house trying to put things in order, from one room to another and back and stopping in between. Not my real house of course as my real house only has two rooms completely adjacent to each other. This involves stairs and doors, and knocking on the doors for assistance which sometimes comes but never as expected, and other time comes unasked but not, again, as expected, and chasing people who aren't quite there, and the task or tasks are never quite ready on time or completed correctly and this repeats throughout until the next day when I wake... um... wait...
Right! I'm not waking up because it's not a dream; it's my head. It's full. No room for accurate or halfway successful thought. Ahem, Ghost-writer, the brain is full.
I can't blame anyone but myself for having expectations of any sort. It's not anyone's fault that I get as excited about anything as I do. Positive thinking is great but it backfires. My motivation is just that: my own.
Long pause as thoughts fight for outcome.
It's not going to win. I am not going to start writing it again. Someday I will have the courage to trash it, but not today. This... this is what made writing it so satisfying. I was the only one who needed to approve it. Now this is bigger, better, more. Now I can't let it take me down that road again.
It's frustrating but it's life, and I'll get over it, sotospeak. Meanwhile, it doesn't matter how much sleep I get. Nothing counts unless I get rest. Does that make sense to anyone but me? (unwritten response)
This is but a fraction of my ever moving mind. The mind, a bridge between the spirit and the soul... so I've read. It's my latest brainwave. Honestly, can't I shut the thing off for a while?! Even in my sleep I can't stop thinking!
Maybe two docs back was right - I need psych meds. lol
I have a dream I'm running around a house trying to put things in order, from one room to another and back and stopping in between. Not my real house of course as my real house only has two rooms completely adjacent to each other. This involves stairs and doors, and knocking on the doors for assistance which sometimes comes but never as expected, and other time comes unasked but not, again, as expected, and chasing people who aren't quite there, and the task or tasks are never quite ready on time or completed correctly and this repeats throughout until the next day when I wake... um... wait...
Right! I'm not waking up because it's not a dream; it's my head. It's full. No room for accurate or halfway successful thought. Ahem, Ghost-writer, the brain is full.
I can't blame anyone but myself for having expectations of any sort. It's not anyone's fault that I get as excited about anything as I do. Positive thinking is great but it backfires. My motivation is just that: my own.
Long pause as thoughts fight for outcome.
It's not going to win. I am not going to start writing it again. Someday I will have the courage to trash it, but not today. This... this is what made writing it so satisfying. I was the only one who needed to approve it. Now this is bigger, better, more. Now I can't let it take me down that road again.
It's frustrating but it's life, and I'll get over it, sotospeak. Meanwhile, it doesn't matter how much sleep I get. Nothing counts unless I get rest. Does that make sense to anyone but me? (unwritten response)
This is but a fraction of my ever moving mind. The mind, a bridge between the spirit and the soul... so I've read. It's my latest brainwave. Honestly, can't I shut the thing off for a while?! Even in my sleep I can't stop thinking!
Maybe two docs back was right - I need psych meds. lol
The First Part of Any Journey: Go.
Been a bit since my last blog and of course I can't remember a bit of the things I keep thinking I should blog about. Ah well, I'll let my fingers do the typing.
Things are moving forward with the Youth Ministry. I look back at the many times I've felt the tug to be involved in such a thing, but I never had the opportunity with my parish. I had Catholic Student Organization in college, and some exposure to LaSallette Youth Group at that time, but little else. Jesse and I tried a few times to get something happening, some permission to even start something at our Burlington parish, but we were regarded as inexperienced kids and brushed aside. Seriously? That parish is as boring as before, and as old, no offense.
It was a true Blessing that we were sent to St. Thomas' (St. Dorothy's first actually) and now we're leading a youth ministry! I have no idea if it'll flop or fly, but so far we're moving forward and I feel like God has been working slowly on us, training us, preparing us. Some 'kids' grow up through youth ministry while others receive it on a more personal level, not being able to share what they feel and their relationship with the Lord. I had to put it in His Hands more than a few times. I had to keep myself from taking it back more than a few times. He's in control; His timing, not mine. It worked.
We 'launch' Catholic Youth Ministry' (CYM) this Sunday and kick off with a Pizza & Prayer series Friday nights during Lent. We're covering stations of the cross which can be boring or deeply spiritual depending upon how it's covered and how receptive the participants are. I imagine we'll be somewhere in the middle. Fall River had (in my college days) a spectacular stations which took place in Kennedy Square, covered three churches, had a nun who did a monologue of Mary witnessing her Son on the Cross, and a three-person choir that sounded like 40 angels. Yeah, obviously we can't dream to compete with that, but I remember how somber, how moving, how capturing many pieces of that service were and I think about ways to grasp that concept in teeny-tiny baby steps. What was covered; what was prayed; what was sung?
Leaders can't declare themselves leaders. We're always put in this position by others, else the position is weak. I was suggested by a more experienced youth leader and I prepared by God (not to say that I'm entirely ready... yet.) I owe a lot of credit to those who stand with me: my guides, my support, and my husband of course.
Will it work out? God knows and He ain't tellin'. If nothing else, the growing phase has always been enriching for me. Ever have a goal that you strive for and you're not enjoying the journey until you pay attention to it (the journey) and enjoy it on purpose? It is much more fun getting there and then once 'there' is achieved, it's far more enriching, enjoyable, enlightening. You've come so far, here you are. You made it, but not without the coming part. You want to be there? Go there. Go. It's what Jesus said to His disciples: Go.
Things are moving forward with the Youth Ministry. I look back at the many times I've felt the tug to be involved in such a thing, but I never had the opportunity with my parish. I had Catholic Student Organization in college, and some exposure to LaSallette Youth Group at that time, but little else. Jesse and I tried a few times to get something happening, some permission to even start something at our Burlington parish, but we were regarded as inexperienced kids and brushed aside. Seriously? That parish is as boring as before, and as old, no offense.
It was a true Blessing that we were sent to St. Thomas' (St. Dorothy's first actually) and now we're leading a youth ministry! I have no idea if it'll flop or fly, but so far we're moving forward and I feel like God has been working slowly on us, training us, preparing us. Some 'kids' grow up through youth ministry while others receive it on a more personal level, not being able to share what they feel and their relationship with the Lord. I had to put it in His Hands more than a few times. I had to keep myself from taking it back more than a few times. He's in control; His timing, not mine. It worked.
We 'launch' Catholic Youth Ministry' (CYM) this Sunday and kick off with a Pizza & Prayer series Friday nights during Lent. We're covering stations of the cross which can be boring or deeply spiritual depending upon how it's covered and how receptive the participants are. I imagine we'll be somewhere in the middle. Fall River had (in my college days) a spectacular stations which took place in Kennedy Square, covered three churches, had a nun who did a monologue of Mary witnessing her Son on the Cross, and a three-person choir that sounded like 40 angels. Yeah, obviously we can't dream to compete with that, but I remember how somber, how moving, how capturing many pieces of that service were and I think about ways to grasp that concept in teeny-tiny baby steps. What was covered; what was prayed; what was sung?
Leaders can't declare themselves leaders. We're always put in this position by others, else the position is weak. I was suggested by a more experienced youth leader and I prepared by God (not to say that I'm entirely ready... yet.) I owe a lot of credit to those who stand with me: my guides, my support, and my husband of course.
Will it work out? God knows and He ain't tellin'. If nothing else, the growing phase has always been enriching for me. Ever have a goal that you strive for and you're not enjoying the journey until you pay attention to it (the journey) and enjoy it on purpose? It is much more fun getting there and then once 'there' is achieved, it's far more enriching, enjoyable, enlightening. You've come so far, here you are. You made it, but not without the coming part. You want to be there? Go there. Go. It's what Jesus said to His disciples: Go.
Rock On, BFF, Rock On...
Christmas. Was. Awesome.
Great opener, eh? It's not because we had some amazing party with all our friends, or because we have the means to provide countless enormous gifts to our lit'uns. Certainly not because the BFF and I got everything we'd ever dreamed of (including a fluffy white Christmas!) but because it was with my family. My lit'uns, minions of the crazy and the slightly less crazy, my BFF, and me. I was excited because I thought I'd finally thought up a gift Jesse hadn't asked for, let alone sent a specific link with excessive price tag! I thought, "Finally, a gift he'll love that I thought up all on my own!" It went okay, that part. Can't complain.
I was pleased because the kids loved there gifts, the littlest exclaiming "Oh my!" many times over. And I was impressed that my darling BFF was clever enough to get me make-up and other assorted womanly things which I will use and does match and is practical. Quite impressed. Got a nice laptop backpack, thin and light, and a lovely nativity piece which will have to wait for a bigger house... which WILL happen someday, be it from this house itself or another! I have faith in that now!
Truly, we are Blessed, our little family. There were times, and sometimes still are, when we say, "Food or gas this week? Hmmm...." But mostly it works out because we're careful, and by careful I mean I'm stingy and my love is crafty. He tells me my yarmulke is too tight, and he's usually right, but I can live with that. After all, I work for a Jew both here and beyond.
Really, the man puts up with quite a bit in me. He patiently waits out my tyrants yet apparently hears them well based on the accuracy of his gifts this week. He works his fool ass off overnight, five nights a week, and still manages to grocery shop and cook most meals, not to mention yard work, house work, usual shopping errands, and fixing everything from cars to toys. He preps my lunches many times and even makes sure there's enough before taking his own portion. He loves the children beyond his capacity, making him a model father for his brother to admire. He cares for both our sets of parents by going out of his way to help them in whatever way they need. He helps his coworkers out even when it means losing sleep or a few hours of time with his family (which are rare as is). And though I say he can be a downright grouch, it's true, he's got the softest heart a man can have... Ahem, whilst still being a man of course!
Make-up and desk items and Deeeee-licious Christmas ham aside... Baby, you're enough for all the Christmas gifts in a lifetime! Ain't nobody got what we got, baby! (At least for me!)
Great opener, eh? It's not because we had some amazing party with all our friends, or because we have the means to provide countless enormous gifts to our lit'uns. Certainly not because the BFF and I got everything we'd ever dreamed of (including a fluffy white Christmas!) but because it was with my family. My lit'uns, minions of the crazy and the slightly less crazy, my BFF, and me. I was excited because I thought I'd finally thought up a gift Jesse hadn't asked for, let alone sent a specific link with excessive price tag! I thought, "Finally, a gift he'll love that I thought up all on my own!" It went okay, that part. Can't complain.
I was pleased because the kids loved there gifts, the littlest exclaiming "Oh my!" many times over. And I was impressed that my darling BFF was clever enough to get me make-up and other assorted womanly things which I will use and does match and is practical. Quite impressed. Got a nice laptop backpack, thin and light, and a lovely nativity piece which will have to wait for a bigger house... which WILL happen someday, be it from this house itself or another! I have faith in that now!
Truly, we are Blessed, our little family. There were times, and sometimes still are, when we say, "Food or gas this week? Hmmm...." But mostly it works out because we're careful, and by careful I mean I'm stingy and my love is crafty. He tells me my yarmulke is too tight, and he's usually right, but I can live with that. After all, I work for a Jew both here and beyond.
Really, the man puts up with quite a bit in me. He patiently waits out my tyrants yet apparently hears them well based on the accuracy of his gifts this week. He works his fool ass off overnight, five nights a week, and still manages to grocery shop and cook most meals, not to mention yard work, house work, usual shopping errands, and fixing everything from cars to toys. He preps my lunches many times and even makes sure there's enough before taking his own portion. He loves the children beyond his capacity, making him a model father for his brother to admire. He cares for both our sets of parents by going out of his way to help them in whatever way they need. He helps his coworkers out even when it means losing sleep or a few hours of time with his family (which are rare as is). And though I say he can be a downright grouch, it's true, he's got the softest heart a man can have... Ahem, whilst still being a man of course!
Make-up and desk items and Deeeee-licious Christmas ham aside... Baby, you're enough for all the Christmas gifts in a lifetime! Ain't nobody got what we got, baby! (At least for me!)
So Much To Do, So Little... Ooh Shiny!
So I get a little (ahem, LOT) distracted at times. Could explain the long absence from blogging, posting, writing in general. Perhaps the new hat has given me the bug what with all the technical writing and, uh, stuff. So now that I'm here, I, uh... where was I again... Oh yes! I was being distracted.
I suppose I'll catch some of you up on the happenings of my life. Both kids in preschool, BFF still working the overnight five nights a week, promotion to EMR Optimization Specialist since July 1st. Yup, it's a mouthful = preschool. Kindergarten is around the corner, when the school bus gets to take her, not Mama.Sadly it's only 2.5 days a week and I'm not going to know which days until it's way late in the game to sign my son up for preschool. Grrr schedules.
Okay, not trying to sound heartless on the kicking the kids off to school but... see comment: BFF/Overnight/five nights... Yeah that. It sucks, as in sucks the life out of our relationship. 20 minutes of talking together is a rarity and usually only happens once a week on the road to wherever the weekend takes us. PS: The weekend never takes us on dates, sans kids.
I do LOVE my babies though. I started telling Jess about a dream I had when VJ butt in with, "Yeah Mama, and then I put my superhero cape on and flew in and then Blue was there..." (stuffed monkey=bestie) He is all over the storytelling and randomness and... No idea where he gets it! {Ahh, cat's all snuggly... what? Oh typing...}
Then there's Bekah, the intelligent, thoughtful, giving, quick-witted, also conniving, jealous, greedy... Just messin'. Frailty, thy name is Bekah! I never know what's she'll say or how she'll react. One second happy and psyched out laughing then BANG tantrum like she's two again; the Earth hath shifted and she's not happy with it. Usually cured with some zero-gravity training by Daddy.
Okay, I've succeeded at creating an editor's nightmare of a blog ;) Now off to do some research for my CCD class. A student has an interest in the story of the wise men, particularly the legend of the one who couldn't make the journey. Time to investigate the... I should really do those dishes...
I suppose I'll catch some of you up on the happenings of my life. Both kids in preschool, BFF still working the overnight five nights a week, promotion to EMR Optimization Specialist since July 1st. Yup, it's a mouthful = preschool. Kindergarten is around the corner, when the school bus gets to take her, not Mama.Sadly it's only 2.5 days a week and I'm not going to know which days until it's way late in the game to sign my son up for preschool. Grrr schedules.
Okay, not trying to sound heartless on the kicking the kids off to school but... see comment: BFF/Overnight/five nights... Yeah that. It sucks, as in sucks the life out of our relationship. 20 minutes of talking together is a rarity and usually only happens once a week on the road to wherever the weekend takes us. PS: The weekend never takes us on dates, sans kids.
I do LOVE my babies though. I started telling Jess about a dream I had when VJ butt in with, "Yeah Mama, and then I put my superhero cape on and flew in and then Blue was there..." (stuffed monkey=bestie) He is all over the storytelling and randomness and... No idea where he gets it! {Ahh, cat's all snuggly... what? Oh typing...}
Then there's Bekah, the intelligent, thoughtful, giving, quick-witted, also conniving, jealous, greedy... Just messin'. Frailty, thy name is Bekah! I never know what's she'll say or how she'll react. One second happy and psyched out laughing then BANG tantrum like she's two again; the Earth hath shifted and she's not happy with it. Usually cured with some zero-gravity training by Daddy.
Okay, I've succeeded at creating an editor's nightmare of a blog ;) Now off to do some research for my CCD class. A student has an interest in the story of the wise men, particularly the legend of the one who couldn't make the journey. Time to investigate the... I should really do those dishes...
Catching up on the Right Road
My son came into the office with a cough and left with a nebulizer today. Hopefully this helps in the sleep process. Why haven't I posted in weeks? Too tired! And other minor reasons, but mostly it's a schedule thing. Seriously, the way today went, they just went to bed. Their bedtime is 7:30, like mine was as a child. Call me old fashioned but it works for us. They should at least sleep in for me tomorrow, and since it's not a school day, that's fine. School... Bekah's in kindergarten next year (eep!) and we're moving VJ to 3-day preschool. But slow down, Caroline... one year at a time, actually one month at a time, or week or day or hour... Yeah, sometimes I feel like I live hourly, even though I schedule annually.
So... How's my full plate? There's two little soccer teams I'm coaching Saturday mornings. I teach 9th grade CCD about every other Sunday night. I'm starting a Youth Ministry in our church. I up for review in my new position in work (and I feel like I've rocked the spot!) Yup, that about sums it up. Full plate, lots of emailing, lots of scheduling, lots of lots... And don't worry, I'm not dillusional. It'll get busier as the years go by. I know.
I finally feel like I'm on the right track, like the road, while busy and bumpy at times, feels smooth, feels right. And look! I'm writing again! I might even start writing outside of blogs and personal rants! I won't start the old stuff again, not sure about things there still. But I will commit more time to Christ and whatever the Father has planned for me. I simply don't feel fulfilled unless I'm serving Him in some capacity. On a side note, I hope to help Jess finish his Christian studies. I can't remember if it's a ministry degree or something in religious studies, but I know he needs the time to get back to it. God always provides for us on His schedule though. If we're patient (sometimes even when we're not) He will provide as always.
I do lose myself in the DVR sometimes. Lost a few shows to series finales last spring, but there's new shows and some old... Okay, we all need a hobby... Sucker for supernatural fairy tale mysteries!
I'm Sorry I Can't Climb That Tree, There's a Branch in the Way, and By the Way, Where's the Forest
So I keep a mental running list of all the things I need to do in my off-time; running as in running away from consciousness. They range from 'go for a run/jog/walk' to 'use that massage gift card finally' to 'go clothes shopping for me sans kids' and they never happen. I even have a babysitter now and a new position at work with more money so... yeah, still hasn't happened.
I never seem to have time but really most of those things require me making time. I get frustrated at all the people for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it's foolish excuses: There's a good movie on and I want to spend time with him now and he's watching it so... I should too. Sometimes it's useless blaming: I never get things done because he's always so tired... but so am I! It's not going to get me anywhere and I know it. More importantly it isn't true, not entirely. Sometimes I vent to God that I have no one to vent to... yeah, I hope I don't need to explain that one.
Bottom line, I'm the only one in my way of getting my own list of personal chores done. I'm the reason I haven't created flash cards for the kids for summer reading yet. I'm the reason I haven't worked out. I'm the reason I haven't called our babysitter more often. I'm probably the reason I haven't motivated myself too. Question is how do I hop this life obstacle.
The con of this perspective is that I'm to blame and it only brings me down in a sense. Truly it shouldn't. I should see it more 'glass-half-full' and realize that if I'm to blame then I can fix. Easier said than done. I'm working on it. If I'm the only one keeping me from doing what I want, and I'm the only one to motivate me to do what I want, then what happens when Team Me had a bad day or is sick or just plain too exhausted to move forward. A second in command would be nice.
Leads me to another 'on the list' item that I'm trying to tackle. I've been reading my Bible to clear my mind, or more like fill it with the right stuff. Sometimes I go gospel and continue in a place I left off. Sometimes I find something interesting and research it. Sometimes I do the cheesy flip through to see what opens up. Haven't done it as often as I should, but I'm getting more out of the Bible than the latest best-seller might offer (although I did like Hunger Games).
So as usual life continues to get in the way, but as in Matthew (don't ask exactly where!) Jesus warns "don't worry about what you're going to wear" and I think he might have been speaking directly to me. I've been using that particular command to keep me from, ahem, wembling too much and to just get to the task. (Thanks Fraggle Rock!) I can mount this obstacle and I'd better; there's more ahead I'm sure.
I never seem to have time but really most of those things require me making time. I get frustrated at all the people for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it's foolish excuses: There's a good movie on and I want to spend time with him now and he's watching it so... I should too. Sometimes it's useless blaming: I never get things done because he's always so tired... but so am I! It's not going to get me anywhere and I know it. More importantly it isn't true, not entirely. Sometimes I vent to God that I have no one to vent to... yeah, I hope I don't need to explain that one.
Bottom line, I'm the only one in my way of getting my own list of personal chores done. I'm the reason I haven't created flash cards for the kids for summer reading yet. I'm the reason I haven't worked out. I'm the reason I haven't called our babysitter more often. I'm probably the reason I haven't motivated myself too. Question is how do I hop this life obstacle.
The con of this perspective is that I'm to blame and it only brings me down in a sense. Truly it shouldn't. I should see it more 'glass-half-full' and realize that if I'm to blame then I can fix. Easier said than done. I'm working on it. If I'm the only one keeping me from doing what I want, and I'm the only one to motivate me to do what I want, then what happens when Team Me had a bad day or is sick or just plain too exhausted to move forward. A second in command would be nice.
Leads me to another 'on the list' item that I'm trying to tackle. I've been reading my Bible to clear my mind, or more like fill it with the right stuff. Sometimes I go gospel and continue in a place I left off. Sometimes I find something interesting and research it. Sometimes I do the cheesy flip through to see what opens up. Haven't done it as often as I should, but I'm getting more out of the Bible than the latest best-seller might offer (although I did like Hunger Games).
So as usual life continues to get in the way, but as in Matthew (don't ask exactly where!) Jesus warns "don't worry about what you're going to wear" and I think he might have been speaking directly to me. I've been using that particular command to keep me from, ahem, wembling too much and to just get to the task. (Thanks Fraggle Rock!) I can mount this obstacle and I'd better; there's more ahead I'm sure.
Packing
It's been a long, long time since I've been sucked into a book. Harry Potter long. While Hunger Games has sparked my imagination again, and my adventurous side, I'm still withholding though, still keeping a safe distance, though I've played with the idea of going back. I have no idea what that would mean, nearly a year wasted in reprogramming my thinking. I've decided to press on until... I have, again, no idea what.
Meanwhile, I'm packing our camping gear (and work gear) for Creationfest 2012. This time we're taking the kids and our very own trailer. I'm excited on multiple levels about this. For one... Our Very Own Trailer!!! Childhood memories just come flooding through, along with the once fantasized idea that I'd grow up and have camping experiences in a family trailer with my husband and children someday. Now it's true! Also, we never have to rent or rely on another trailer from someone else. And, not that I'm against tents, actually I love them too, but you can keep camping equipment in the trailer full time, thereby avoiding reshuffling it all into the attic again. But our camping gear isn't limited to mere dust pans and bug spray, dishes and battery-operated fans. No we're the crazy people that like to work on vacation... on stage.
We have gear bags full of climbing harnesses, work gloves, webbing, variously sized carabiners, rope, belt loops and pouches, multi-tools, and few random items I can't fully explain like a toothbrush or an empty Listerine tab container. Thankfully I just participated in a yard sale and emptied out 4 plastic tubs of clothing, toys, and other baby items which have long lost their usefulness. Let me reiterate: I spent $30 to buy in, made $29.75, and sent 4 bins worth to Salvation Army as donations. So for all my time and effort, I spent 25 cents for 4 empty tubs. I was so glad to have the seasonal pool in our backyard because it was hot, and I'm sunburned (even though I was entirely in the shade the whole time, go figure), and I needed a dip to unwind.
The kids are still with my in-laws until tonight and Jess is napping before he starts fixing the trailer. He taught a class after his shift last night so he's overdue for sleep, as usual. I'm to get as much camping stuff packed as possible since we leave in 2 weeks and there's little time in between for that. I'm a neurotic list person, so I'm off to finish a list and check it at least 18 times before feeling satisfied. Jess should be up by then.
In the back of my mind I still wonder, what is this all working towards... I can't help but wonder...
Meanwhile, I'm packing our camping gear (and work gear) for Creationfest 2012. This time we're taking the kids and our very own trailer. I'm excited on multiple levels about this. For one... Our Very Own Trailer!!! Childhood memories just come flooding through, along with the once fantasized idea that I'd grow up and have camping experiences in a family trailer with my husband and children someday. Now it's true! Also, we never have to rent or rely on another trailer from someone else. And, not that I'm against tents, actually I love them too, but you can keep camping equipment in the trailer full time, thereby avoiding reshuffling it all into the attic again. But our camping gear isn't limited to mere dust pans and bug spray, dishes and battery-operated fans. No we're the crazy people that like to work on vacation... on stage.
We have gear bags full of climbing harnesses, work gloves, webbing, variously sized carabiners, rope, belt loops and pouches, multi-tools, and few random items I can't fully explain like a toothbrush or an empty Listerine tab container. Thankfully I just participated in a yard sale and emptied out 4 plastic tubs of clothing, toys, and other baby items which have long lost their usefulness. Let me reiterate: I spent $30 to buy in, made $29.75, and sent 4 bins worth to Salvation Army as donations. So for all my time and effort, I spent 25 cents for 4 empty tubs. I was so glad to have the seasonal pool in our backyard because it was hot, and I'm sunburned (even though I was entirely in the shade the whole time, go figure), and I needed a dip to unwind.
The kids are still with my in-laws until tonight and Jess is napping before he starts fixing the trailer. He taught a class after his shift last night so he's overdue for sleep, as usual. I'm to get as much camping stuff packed as possible since we leave in 2 weeks and there's little time in between for that. I'm a neurotic list person, so I'm off to finish a list and check it at least 18 times before feeling satisfied. Jess should be up by then.
In the back of my mind I still wonder, what is this all working towards... I can't help but wonder...
Steady On
Okay, so it's been a while since I've written. I'm the only human to have noticed but that's not the point. Either I talk to myself or I write to clear my head. There's a ton of clutter so really I should be doing both. Time for a (minute) cleaning...
Still trying to set my head straight before writing 'the book' and even before tackling Halfway to Heaven. I have managed to throw down a couple episodes of Fuzzball though. Who knows where that'll go. Waiting on crits from an editor/writer friend. Her plate's full enough so I try not to poke. In the meantime I still find myself wishing I were where I, well, a 'where' which doesn't exist. I need to stop that. On one level, it's not wrong to dream. On another level, the one to which it's all come... I need a purging and replenishing. God knows it.
My kids, now there's a good topic for story-telling. (As for the first 'story' it was too difficult to tackle with them and too muddled for me, hence Fuzzball was born.) I completely see my imagination present in both of them, especially my daughter. She has explanation upon explanation and manages to make them make some kind of sense. My son tries to too, but his are rather... confusing and scattered. I could wish for more time or energy (really it's the latter I need more), but I know it'll be a while that we're stuck with this schedule. ICK! My BFF needs to get off the night shift but there's no end in sight without cutting hours and we can't afford that!
Lighter note: we're a lot more stable financially than we were when we moved into the Love Shack. Not that we're doing great, but we're at least doing now. In fact, I was happily surprised this month to realize I get paid three times before the next mortgage is due... So I can buy my contacts before we go camping at Creationfest this year! Yay! It's the little things really.
Speaking of the little things, she wants me to paint her nails before we go to the park. Oh futility. No matter. Off I go...
Still trying to set my head straight before writing 'the book' and even before tackling Halfway to Heaven. I have managed to throw down a couple episodes of Fuzzball though. Who knows where that'll go. Waiting on crits from an editor/writer friend. Her plate's full enough so I try not to poke. In the meantime I still find myself wishing I were where I, well, a 'where' which doesn't exist. I need to stop that. On one level, it's not wrong to dream. On another level, the one to which it's all come... I need a purging and replenishing. God knows it.
My kids, now there's a good topic for story-telling. (As for the first 'story' it was too difficult to tackle with them and too muddled for me, hence Fuzzball was born.) I completely see my imagination present in both of them, especially my daughter. She has explanation upon explanation and manages to make them make some kind of sense. My son tries to too, but his are rather... confusing and scattered. I could wish for more time or energy (really it's the latter I need more), but I know it'll be a while that we're stuck with this schedule. ICK! My BFF needs to get off the night shift but there's no end in sight without cutting hours and we can't afford that!
Lighter note: we're a lot more stable financially than we were when we moved into the Love Shack. Not that we're doing great, but we're at least doing now. In fact, I was happily surprised this month to realize I get paid three times before the next mortgage is due... So I can buy my contacts before we go camping at Creationfest this year! Yay! It's the little things really.
Speaking of the little things, she wants me to paint her nails before we go to the park. Oh futility. No matter. Off I go...
Pendulum
It's not forever...
I kept telling myself that over and over again as I walked to my car in the dark, empty parking lot. Yet again my mother-in-law had brewed another drama in our family. God help me! I don't know what to do anymore. Now my husband, my best friend, my only sidekick, had accused me of whatever-it-was-this-time too. The text, whose literal content is a mute point, still had me shaking and caused chest pains. Anxiety sucks. I can't even text him back anymore, not even after the three 'sorry' texts he sent. I know he didn't mean it; I know he loves me more than that.
I just can't do it anymore. The accusations, the fake happiness, the pretend-you're-listening-when-Caroline's-talking-and-smile-and-nod looks, and the DRAMA! This woman defies everything we set for our children! She delayed their coming off bottles. She kept my daughter in pull-ups longer when we had her in underwear, she kept highchairs and sippy cups when they were in regular chairs and using regular cups or cups with lids and straws. I could deal with that little at a time. I let it slide time and time again hoping she'd allow me to explain and listen to reason, let our teaching be consistent. Still she pretended to listen and defied us. I gave up so many times I lost count. I reasoned that she was still taking good care of them and they loved their Fridays with Oakey and Yaya. How could I mess with that? I hadn't the heart... then.
What kept on happening is that she would bombard my exhausted husband, my only partner in crime, with accusations, criticisms, and mothering that, quite frankly on his schedule, he didn't need nor did he have the stamina for. Usually he sided with me, I sided with him, whatever was needed because we're a team and a team needs leaders to hold it together. Tonight was different. I got the brunt of the accusation from him. Sounded pretty personal if you read the text yourself. I was downright hurt. Barely held together for the rest of work. When the office was finally closed and I headed home, I tried to calm down and drive safely.
Jesse wasn't much better than me. I let my frustration and hurt out first since I hadn't had a turn in this blowout yet. I cried more than yelled, telling him how I felt and why instead of accusing anything back. (At least, that's how I hoped it came out.) Then we sat and tried to examine what was happening. It was easy to pick apart the little things, but the bigger picture was this: an emotionally unstable woman who we trust with our children was creating emotional havoc in our marriage. This is unacceptable, but somehow unavoidable in our current situation. We need child care on Fridays. Nancy is free and beyond that is a priceless relationship from grandparent to grandchildren. Is that worth the stress? He said he no sooner walked through the door than was attacked with accusations and such and in front of the children?!
My heart can't take it anymore! This is unacceptable! There must be another way, right? Again, God help us! I don't want to break the woman's heart, nor destroy her relationship with our kids, and I don't want to break my kids' hearts! I'm desperate for an answer as Friday comes every week and the stress level is dangerously high. My husband on his limited sleep already feels like a loser (which he is NOT!) and I feel trapped in this horrid schedule! She has no idea how hurtful she is!!
Do I cut my hours somehow and lose some benefits at work to stay home on half of Fridays. Should Jess change hours? As it happened, he talked to her tonight and she was apologetic, apparently on an up-swing of sorts, and all is well now... for now. He liked my phrasing when I said she's on probation. One more slip and Fridays are gone until she gets help. We can't dive-bomb, roller-coaster, and suddenly be all better when she's afraid of losing the kids. You know what they say about empty threats. If there's a consequence, it has to be followed through or else it won't work. Something. Has. To. Work.
I kept telling myself that over and over again as I walked to my car in the dark, empty parking lot. Yet again my mother-in-law had brewed another drama in our family. God help me! I don't know what to do anymore. Now my husband, my best friend, my only sidekick, had accused me of whatever-it-was-this-time too. The text, whose literal content is a mute point, still had me shaking and caused chest pains. Anxiety sucks. I can't even text him back anymore, not even after the three 'sorry' texts he sent. I know he didn't mean it; I know he loves me more than that.
I just can't do it anymore. The accusations, the fake happiness, the pretend-you're-listening-when-Caroline's-talking-and-smile-and-nod looks, and the DRAMA! This woman defies everything we set for our children! She delayed their coming off bottles. She kept my daughter in pull-ups longer when we had her in underwear, she kept highchairs and sippy cups when they were in regular chairs and using regular cups or cups with lids and straws. I could deal with that little at a time. I let it slide time and time again hoping she'd allow me to explain and listen to reason, let our teaching be consistent. Still she pretended to listen and defied us. I gave up so many times I lost count. I reasoned that she was still taking good care of them and they loved their Fridays with Oakey and Yaya. How could I mess with that? I hadn't the heart... then.
What kept on happening is that she would bombard my exhausted husband, my only partner in crime, with accusations, criticisms, and mothering that, quite frankly on his schedule, he didn't need nor did he have the stamina for. Usually he sided with me, I sided with him, whatever was needed because we're a team and a team needs leaders to hold it together. Tonight was different. I got the brunt of the accusation from him. Sounded pretty personal if you read the text yourself. I was downright hurt. Barely held together for the rest of work. When the office was finally closed and I headed home, I tried to calm down and drive safely.
Jesse wasn't much better than me. I let my frustration and hurt out first since I hadn't had a turn in this blowout yet. I cried more than yelled, telling him how I felt and why instead of accusing anything back. (At least, that's how I hoped it came out.) Then we sat and tried to examine what was happening. It was easy to pick apart the little things, but the bigger picture was this: an emotionally unstable woman who we trust with our children was creating emotional havoc in our marriage. This is unacceptable, but somehow unavoidable in our current situation. We need child care on Fridays. Nancy is free and beyond that is a priceless relationship from grandparent to grandchildren. Is that worth the stress? He said he no sooner walked through the door than was attacked with accusations and such and in front of the children?!
My heart can't take it anymore! This is unacceptable! There must be another way, right? Again, God help us! I don't want to break the woman's heart, nor destroy her relationship with our kids, and I don't want to break my kids' hearts! I'm desperate for an answer as Friday comes every week and the stress level is dangerously high. My husband on his limited sleep already feels like a loser (which he is NOT!) and I feel trapped in this horrid schedule! She has no idea how hurtful she is!!
Do I cut my hours somehow and lose some benefits at work to stay home on half of Fridays. Should Jess change hours? As it happened, he talked to her tonight and she was apologetic, apparently on an up-swing of sorts, and all is well now... for now. He liked my phrasing when I said she's on probation. One more slip and Fridays are gone until she gets help. We can't dive-bomb, roller-coaster, and suddenly be all better when she's afraid of losing the kids. You know what they say about empty threats. If there's a consequence, it has to be followed through or else it won't work. Something. Has. To. Work.
More of the Same
I'm fat.
Yeah I know those who know me would say, "Yeah, okay Caroline." Those who know me really well, of which I can think of one person besides myself, might say, "Well whose fault is that?" I'm not really fat, just seriously out of shape for me... and with a bigger mid-section.
That's not exactly what I'm here to blog about. I just needed to start somewhere. I can't even type like I used to: I'm looking down at the keys and backspacing all the time!!! This is going to take forever!! I'm out of every loop known to... well, known to me anyway. I can't cry about being out of the loop with things I never cared about: pop culture, music, government elections, price of tea in China (Sorry Jess). Not only have I been disconnected with work and my own family, I haven't even taken more than a worrisome thought of my own person. Plenty of worrisome, warranted or not alas, but not more. I only half care about what I eat anymore. I care to the point of "will this send me running or give me reflux" and that's about it. Snacking more, as expected, has led to the current overhang. I haven't even exercised in well over four months. Aside health, I haven't done a thing in the mom's group I'm 'in' in even longer. Schedule's too... retarded. I have about two hours Tuesdays and Thursdays and all morning Wednesdays but I usually either hang with my mom on her day off or have things to do at home (and my home's tiny so a playgroup there ain't happening). {F~@%ing backspacing!!!!} All this ho-hum is killing me. As if my hormones aren't screwed up enough. I need to find a way out of this rut!
So my dad got me this great book for Christmas about angel encounters, clueless about my state mind you. I did me well to read some real stories, get out of my own head so to speak. That's really my biggest problem and why I haven't gone back to writing, hence the backspacing, hence the depression, hence the torn emotions, hence the loss of reality, hence the cluelessness of those around me, hence the looking inconsiderate probably, hence the mind-churning... how do I explain this and then hence the lack of seeing psych. <sigh> Yeah. I don't even have social interaction to distract me. How could I? Our schedule SUCKS! I have one friend who's reached out to meet up with me, the one who'd see me delve back into the torture of self-losing writing (LUV U!!!) but that's another story. I've lived in Tewksbury a little over a year and been in the mom's group almost a year. No new friends really. I've worked at WPA for nine years shy three weeks. Don't hang with any of them outside work unless we get out super early and I miraculously have kid coverage. Now this is no dis on anyone else; at least work people have invited me places on occasion. It's somewhere between my schedule, lack of babysitter, and not having friends to start with. Oh and the no-babysitter? People say, what about all the teenagers in your neighborhood? Okay, I'll just knock door to door until someone's willing and looks okay for the job. I don't know anyone! My next-door neighbor's crazy, love her, but she's batty (though I would trust her in an emergency I should say). My diagonal neighbors are nice but always busy. We haven't exchanged numbers or connected online or anything either.
I'm so running away with this. Not like anyone reads it though so whatev. I think I have the most publicly private (or privately public?) blog there is. I remember when the depression was at its worst and Jesse told me later he had been really worried about me (which surprised me for two reasons: I didn't know he noticed and he didn't tell me he noticed). I blogged then, but I also FB'd all the time and not a soul in my contact list gave a rat's ass. Too busy updating their kid's hockey score or poeming about life or commenting on their yummy lunch or saying where the hell they are and how often they pick their damn asses. lol. I'm so not on FB anymore. I use Google+ to get social media news or techno things or the like, but I'm hardly on that too except a glance a few times a week.
So my recent fixes? I've unplugged and replugged on a different, more calming level (hence the switch). I should throw in that I was sometimes as guilty about the pointless status updates, but I don't use that outlet anymore. It was utterly fruitless. I pray now, much more and it's much more therapeutic... with answers! I'm still a bitter old bitch, with a growing mid-section to work on, but at least I can stare my issues in the face and say, "Yup, you're there. Sit tight while I deal with life and I'll figure out how to kick your butt later." I'm still stuck in a shitty schedule, but Jesse has the worst of it truthfully. Thank God I have a husband like him who can take it! I'm also trying to keep busy which for someone who likes human contact and basically has none _ sucks. This post is the longest I've been on the computer in a while. I'm trying to go back to reading or at least doing chores and then going to bed, which inevitably ends up being midnight every night anyway. I've learned to shut my mouth at work, less I talk the less the counter and the easier the day goes. "Yup my bad... okay, sure..." And I certainly don't chime in with comment like I used to when people say utterly foolish things like, "How'd he get into football if he went to a Christian college?" That was today's head slapper. Seriously, there should be a stupid board! I'm not a genius by far which leads me to believe I should have a much more rewarding job... it's like punishment sometimes! They're not all like that at all, but I swear I catch some really ridiculous moments and it's usually from the egos to boot.
Okay, I've killed enough time, and backspaced enough for one night, or week. Sometimes I think my brain is such mush I'm going to be just as dumb... I'd better get some sleep.
Yeah I know those who know me would say, "Yeah, okay Caroline." Those who know me really well, of which I can think of one person besides myself, might say, "Well whose fault is that?" I'm not really fat, just seriously out of shape for me... and with a bigger mid-section.
That's not exactly what I'm here to blog about. I just needed to start somewhere. I can't even type like I used to: I'm looking down at the keys and backspacing all the time!!! This is going to take forever!! I'm out of every loop known to... well, known to me anyway. I can't cry about being out of the loop with things I never cared about: pop culture, music, government elections, price of tea in China (Sorry Jess). Not only have I been disconnected with work and my own family, I haven't even taken more than a worrisome thought of my own person. Plenty of worrisome, warranted or not alas, but not more. I only half care about what I eat anymore. I care to the point of "will this send me running or give me reflux" and that's about it. Snacking more, as expected, has led to the current overhang. I haven't even exercised in well over four months. Aside health, I haven't done a thing in the mom's group I'm 'in' in even longer. Schedule's too... retarded. I have about two hours Tuesdays and Thursdays and all morning Wednesdays but I usually either hang with my mom on her day off or have things to do at home (and my home's tiny so a playgroup there ain't happening). {F~@%ing backspacing!!!!} All this ho-hum is killing me. As if my hormones aren't screwed up enough. I need to find a way out of this rut!
So my dad got me this great book for Christmas about angel encounters, clueless about my state mind you. I did me well to read some real stories, get out of my own head so to speak. That's really my biggest problem and why I haven't gone back to writing, hence the backspacing, hence the depression, hence the torn emotions, hence the loss of reality, hence the cluelessness of those around me, hence the looking inconsiderate probably, hence the mind-churning... how do I explain this and then hence the lack of seeing psych. <sigh> Yeah. I don't even have social interaction to distract me. How could I? Our schedule SUCKS! I have one friend who's reached out to meet up with me, the one who'd see me delve back into the torture of self-losing writing (LUV U!!!) but that's another story. I've lived in Tewksbury a little over a year and been in the mom's group almost a year. No new friends really. I've worked at WPA for nine years shy three weeks. Don't hang with any of them outside work unless we get out super early and I miraculously have kid coverage. Now this is no dis on anyone else; at least work people have invited me places on occasion. It's somewhere between my schedule, lack of babysitter, and not having friends to start with. Oh and the no-babysitter? People say, what about all the teenagers in your neighborhood? Okay, I'll just knock door to door until someone's willing and looks okay for the job. I don't know anyone! My next-door neighbor's crazy, love her, but she's batty (though I would trust her in an emergency I should say). My diagonal neighbors are nice but always busy. We haven't exchanged numbers or connected online or anything either.
I'm so running away with this. Not like anyone reads it though so whatev. I think I have the most publicly private (or privately public?) blog there is. I remember when the depression was at its worst and Jesse told me later he had been really worried about me (which surprised me for two reasons: I didn't know he noticed and he didn't tell me he noticed). I blogged then, but I also FB'd all the time and not a soul in my contact list gave a rat's ass. Too busy updating their kid's hockey score or poeming about life or commenting on their yummy lunch or saying where the hell they are and how often they pick their damn asses. lol. I'm so not on FB anymore. I use Google+ to get social media news or techno things or the like, but I'm hardly on that too except a glance a few times a week.
So my recent fixes? I've unplugged and replugged on a different, more calming level (hence the switch). I should throw in that I was sometimes as guilty about the pointless status updates, but I don't use that outlet anymore. It was utterly fruitless. I pray now, much more and it's much more therapeutic... with answers! I'm still a bitter old bitch, with a growing mid-section to work on, but at least I can stare my issues in the face and say, "Yup, you're there. Sit tight while I deal with life and I'll figure out how to kick your butt later." I'm still stuck in a shitty schedule, but Jesse has the worst of it truthfully. Thank God I have a husband like him who can take it! I'm also trying to keep busy which for someone who likes human contact and basically has none _ sucks. This post is the longest I've been on the computer in a while. I'm trying to go back to reading or at least doing chores and then going to bed, which inevitably ends up being midnight every night anyway. I've learned to shut my mouth at work, less I talk the less the counter and the easier the day goes. "Yup my bad... okay, sure..." And I certainly don't chime in with comment like I used to when people say utterly foolish things like, "How'd he get into football if he went to a Christian college?" That was today's head slapper. Seriously, there should be a stupid board! I'm not a genius by far which leads me to believe I should have a much more rewarding job... it's like punishment sometimes! They're not all like that at all, but I swear I catch some really ridiculous moments and it's usually from the egos to boot.
Okay, I've killed enough time, and backspaced enough for one night, or week. Sometimes I think my brain is such mush I'm going to be just as dumb... I'd better get some sleep.
A Rant for Andy Rooney
Oh how I love a good rant! Who doesn't? Well, it does help to agree with the rant and even more so to be said ranter, but there's something of an art to being a seasoned ranter, one like the late <sniffle> Andy Rooney.
He made everyone smile with his words, his perspective. He put simple things into plain terms and made us consider ourselves and the things we do on a regular basis a little differently. It wasn't meant to be philosophical I don't think, just an opinion worth mentioning and thinking about. Why do we have so many watches? Why do we pay for all the comforts of travel when the ride is only an hour, but still complain about the price? Why do we keep things we'll never need but can't quite throw them away. I can't do the man justice on ranting or even pointing out the simple things we might overlook in life, and I wonder if he ever even considered himself a ranter rather than an opinionated person or question-maker in some cases. I will, however, attempt my own blurb on my opinions, my qualms in life, and hope to somehow make someone think. I can't promise anything good.
I recently took a hiatus from the ever-popular Facebook having had enough of settings being changed without my permission, unwanted emails, constant 'image' changes, etc. I thought I really spend too much time reading statuses like "just fed the cat" or "traveling to sunny Cali again!" or "if you think your life is awful, just read below..." and such things. Really, I only joined to stay updated with friends and family, not to read about someone's inner thoughts or to hear about day-to-day activities. I don't care how often someone with a cold blows his or her nose. I don't want to repost your sentiments and I don't care to read your thought-provoking song lyrics. Now I'm not even going into the games notifications (most of which I had disabled although they spit out more games a week than the illegals spit out kids in America), but I'd say I only cared about 3% of what I read unless it was personally to my wall or in a Facebook email. I commented on some posts which were funny or Bruins related or weather related. I sent birthday or condolences or congratulations as appropriate. I began to realize, however, that I was no better. My posts went from dangerously depressing when I was totally bummed out on life and stressed (may I add that no one, except perhaps my husband, ever commented on those) to excitedly cheering on the Bruins (sometimes play-by-play) to cute or witty kid stories and/or pictures of the, er, cherubs of mine. I was indeed a hypocrite and I did not like it one bit!
So, after checking out the invite to Google+ from my brother, I decided to try just that. People I found interesting were on it and I liked the whole 'circles' thing where you could decide which group of people to read about. I posted a hiatus on Facebook and moved to Google+ and soon didn't spend more than a few minutes on the computer every couple days. People had my email which I get on my phone, and my phone number to call or text. If I was needed, or missed, I could be found. I'd like to say that people thought I fell off the face of the earth but really no one even noticed. I missed parties, general social news, and tons of pictures and gossip. Okay, I'll admit I didn't 'miss' any of it per se, but I was bummed that no one, not even a few good friends, ever noticed that I wasn't around.
Are we so plugged in that we're so impersonal? Does anyone ever pick up the phone anymore? What happened to, "Hey I haven't heard from So-and-so in a while..." Perhaps this is simply a kink in the computer age, but it's a pretty big one. It's like we've been dehumanized. I think if I stopped showing up to work people would miss me, some people would miss me not just because I wasn't pulling my weight at the office. I think if I stopped calling my mother, which sometimes there's been unintentional stretches, she'd call me to see what's up. I know my kids would care if I wasn't around; they'd be devastated! I sadly cannot say this of any online friends, which is what I'll call those I don't see daily, or even weekly, but with whom I still have some kind of connection. Dropping from the online world proved one solid point: I don't make a dent of a difference in it.
Well, I'm rechecking in with ole' Face Book again and this time, as with Google+, I'm not spending more than a few minutes every couple of days on it. If I need a friend, I'll call someone. If I need to express something unimportant but stressful at the time, I may post. If I'm needed by anyone, rare, I have a phone. I'm no longer slave to the online world. I'm also no longer relying on connections in that manner to find kinship in any way unless personally directed at me. What is it anyway that drives us to connect with a lit screen, a world in which we can both hide and express ourselves? Or is that all it is? The ability to hide and express at the same time? I'm not sure what Andy Rooney would have to say about all that, but I'm sure he'd have plenty of people listening. As for me, I just had to rant for Andy Rooney.
He made everyone smile with his words, his perspective. He put simple things into plain terms and made us consider ourselves and the things we do on a regular basis a little differently. It wasn't meant to be philosophical I don't think, just an opinion worth mentioning and thinking about. Why do we have so many watches? Why do we pay for all the comforts of travel when the ride is only an hour, but still complain about the price? Why do we keep things we'll never need but can't quite throw them away. I can't do the man justice on ranting or even pointing out the simple things we might overlook in life, and I wonder if he ever even considered himself a ranter rather than an opinionated person or question-maker in some cases. I will, however, attempt my own blurb on my opinions, my qualms in life, and hope to somehow make someone think. I can't promise anything good.
I recently took a hiatus from the ever-popular Facebook having had enough of settings being changed without my permission, unwanted emails, constant 'image' changes, etc. I thought I really spend too much time reading statuses like "just fed the cat" or "traveling to sunny Cali again!" or "if you think your life is awful, just read below..." and such things. Really, I only joined to stay updated with friends and family, not to read about someone's inner thoughts or to hear about day-to-day activities. I don't care how often someone with a cold blows his or her nose. I don't want to repost your sentiments and I don't care to read your thought-provoking song lyrics. Now I'm not even going into the games notifications (most of which I had disabled although they spit out more games a week than the illegals spit out kids in America), but I'd say I only cared about 3% of what I read unless it was personally to my wall or in a Facebook email. I commented on some posts which were funny or Bruins related or weather related. I sent birthday or condolences or congratulations as appropriate. I began to realize, however, that I was no better. My posts went from dangerously depressing when I was totally bummed out on life and stressed (may I add that no one, except perhaps my husband, ever commented on those) to excitedly cheering on the Bruins (sometimes play-by-play) to cute or witty kid stories and/or pictures of the, er, cherubs of mine. I was indeed a hypocrite and I did not like it one bit!
So, after checking out the invite to Google+ from my brother, I decided to try just that. People I found interesting were on it and I liked the whole 'circles' thing where you could decide which group of people to read about. I posted a hiatus on Facebook and moved to Google+ and soon didn't spend more than a few minutes on the computer every couple days. People had my email which I get on my phone, and my phone number to call or text. If I was needed, or missed, I could be found. I'd like to say that people thought I fell off the face of the earth but really no one even noticed. I missed parties, general social news, and tons of pictures and gossip. Okay, I'll admit I didn't 'miss' any of it per se, but I was bummed that no one, not even a few good friends, ever noticed that I wasn't around.
Are we so plugged in that we're so impersonal? Does anyone ever pick up the phone anymore? What happened to, "Hey I haven't heard from So-and-so in a while..." Perhaps this is simply a kink in the computer age, but it's a pretty big one. It's like we've been dehumanized. I think if I stopped showing up to work people would miss me, some people would miss me not just because I wasn't pulling my weight at the office. I think if I stopped calling my mother, which sometimes there's been unintentional stretches, she'd call me to see what's up. I know my kids would care if I wasn't around; they'd be devastated! I sadly cannot say this of any online friends, which is what I'll call those I don't see daily, or even weekly, but with whom I still have some kind of connection. Dropping from the online world proved one solid point: I don't make a dent of a difference in it.
Well, I'm rechecking in with ole' Face Book again and this time, as with Google+, I'm not spending more than a few minutes every couple of days on it. If I need a friend, I'll call someone. If I need to express something unimportant but stressful at the time, I may post. If I'm needed by anyone, rare, I have a phone. I'm no longer slave to the online world. I'm also no longer relying on connections in that manner to find kinship in any way unless personally directed at me. What is it anyway that drives us to connect with a lit screen, a world in which we can both hide and express ourselves? Or is that all it is? The ability to hide and express at the same time? I'm not sure what Andy Rooney would have to say about all that, but I'm sure he'd have plenty of people listening. As for me, I just had to rant for Andy Rooney.
Yards for Sale!
Well, I was going to add more photos but this one took about 25 minutes to load... hmmm, Network errors? Anyway, I spent my time perusing the yard sale tips and tricks articles on the web and feel a little more (and a little less) prepared for our big mom's group yard sale Saturday. Now since I've forgotten my original blogging intents, I'll yak about that. :)
I was and still am psyched to be doing this. (I pause to laugh because I typed 'psycho' at first.) I can't wait to get rid of all the baby stuff! And other random stuff too but mostly the big things like the two strollers taking up a chunk of the basement. It'll also be nice to make some $$$ but I'm not going to guess and figure this early on. I checked out those 'tips' sites and realized my to-do list needs shifting. Don't use a money box... so.... Yeah... I started making signs but as I saw a sight with images of good and bad yard sale signs and thought maybe doing all posterboard isn't the way to go. My next-door neighbor has some old shelves she's getting rid of... could use those boards...
Now I wonder if I have enough tables to share. I think my stuff might take up about 3 plus what I can get on the ground. I need to label things/prices and get a general inventory going so I know things were paid for and appropriately. I also might offer to share the dot stickers Jess picked up for me. They might help us know when something bog has been paid for.
My mind is walking through an imaginary yard sale and I'm already overwhelmed. I'm going to dedicate tomorrow night to getting a plan together. Tonight I need to dedicate to showering and sleeping... mostly the latter.
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