{I come up with about a million ideas to blog about throughout the day... then they're gone come blogging time.}
So the good weather is finally here, or at least it's much warmer and we can *Finally* put the boots and snow gear away! Maybe now we'll have room for jackets and shoes in the foyer. My other Spring Cleaning project that's actually within reason is to purge all the baby clothes and toys that are cluttering various parts of the closet/trailer/basement/attic/etc. A friend of mine will do well for her daughter and I might find a little boy who could use some of VJ's things. I can't do anything without Bekah noticing so she knows what I'm doing and will say, "Mama, are we giving our clothes to little boys and girls who don't have enough?"
Sometimes I can't stand how cute they are and the things they say. While Bekah was reading to herself (ahem, yes!) VJ was playing with my hair and I was apparently falling asleep. I opened my eyes in realizing this and he put out a hand, "Shh! Mama, close eyes!" and continued to stroke my hair!
I am still exhausted daily but pushing through with this P90X crap. Yeah I said it like that! I'm half-assing the jumping things because I can't jump in the house after 9pm and I can't do the spatially demanding exercises. I also skip the chin-ups as I can usually only do 1-1.5 and I have to set-up and take down each time and can't see the TV while I do this. So I've almost mastered the situps, weights (although I only have up to 5lbs), and lunges. I'll be mostly okay for Creation Northeast but I'd love to get some jogging in to get the cardio happening again. And man I am soooo stiff! I've lost all flexibility! Hopefully I don't need to do much climbing... Did I just type that?!
Speaking/Typing of which... Bekah now has her own climbing harness (though she's 6lbs below minimum weight requirement, peanut). I've also purchased some new work boots for them which I love! Yup, my daughter has my accursed love for foot gear. "Mama! These are so cute! And Vincent wants the blue ones!" We hope to get some ride-time in with my dear friend Trish and her horse, Calico Silver. Bek does so well riding, a horse anyway. She's still trying to get the whole circle thing with riding a bike, but she's young. Sometimes when you have a kid that can do almost anything it's weird to see a normal developmental setting appear. Then there's VJ. He gets nothing and gets SO mad and frustrated. Poor kid. He does get hockey though. Poor wallet.
Well, Easter baskets are set to be packed together. Couple new DVDs included (thankfully, as the others were getting stale). Bureau has been mostly cleaned off, aside the hair which still needs to be put in an envelope and mailed to Wigs for Kids. Most of the kids' clothes are in bags, ready for pick-up, but I need to unload a bin or two from the trailer. Anyone feel like popping over to play with the lit'uns whilst the BFF and I rummage through said (and unsaid) items of need-to-do? We pay in meals and good friendship! All we can afford and it's priceless!
Low Budget Parenting
Spring is finally here and snow is finally melted (though our Christmas tree is still hanging out in the driveway!). Now I can start taking the kids outside more and with our yard and (half-way finished) swing-set there's plenty to do. Thank God too because the cost of activities has been killing us!
Okay, we pay for a membership to the Y so we can pay lower fees for swim lessons. This has paid off; they swim with bubbles and no adult help now. I've paid for a few classes in the past wherein Bekah would play in the mat room and maybe make a craft once in a while, but we started to be the only ones coming and it wasn't worth the arm it cost. Daycare and Preschool? Forget it! It costs more than I make, yet I make too much to qualify for 'help' anywhere. I've been doing school-like activities at home all along though, craft, short lessons, reading, etc. We were just missing the social interactions... really missing them.
So I joined a mom's group. Found one online, not sure why I couldn't find it sooner; mustn't have looked the right way. It's a low yearly fee and there's TONS of things happening! We've so far done two mall-walks and one play-group and I love it! I can start-up with, "Hi, I'm Caroline..." and it's much less awkward being part of a group than trying to pop into conversation at the Simon's Kid Klubhouse with other parents who're trying to let their kids burn steam while they check emails and sag for a moment during their busy day. I am so glad winter's over, for real this time.
In other news, we have a backyard! Okay not so much news as: Yay, we're using it now! We starting putting together the swing-set (only missing the monkey-bars but stable and the open area is tied off for now), we have a play house thanks to a connection through a friend, and we just need to lose a pile of dirt where the shed once was and get some grass growing. I've been wanting to host a baby-toddler water party in the summer but it'd be a mud party without the grass. Only trouble is the cost. Boy, would I love to just throw out some sod and be done with it! I'd rather not have to wait for seed or have to keep my kids off the lawn, but it's the more likely option for us. Hopefully we'll get something happening in time for some backyard company. Kinda tight getting more than four adults in the house nevermind busy children running around, otherwise I'd host a playgroup.
Even on the rainy days I've been able to find something for the kids and me to keep busy and happy-ish. Besides movies and crafts, we've got an awesome library in town and they have some great children's programs. My kids love the preschool story time and they love picking out new books to bring home. It's like free preschool minus the lesson plan. If it's free, it's for me (as Jess would say). I do everything I possibly can to reduce the need for paying for preschool, although I'll likely get Bekah into some 2-day program before kindergarten, but if not I know she won't be too overwhelmed come school time.
Honestly, I'm baffled by the stay-at-home-mom thing. Jesse would have to double his paycheck, double people! And we're scraping by with our piddly mortgage! Here it is on the table (minus real figures): We both work full-time, no daycare, low mortgage, barely making it. I'm not complaining; I'm baffled. I am amazed at what God has provided for us... amazed! But I see stay-home-moms with homes that I know cost more than double ours and their kids are signed up for tons more things and I just wonder sometimes. Does that working dad really make over four times what one of us makes? We're not bagging at Market Basket. We're not living it up in a four bedroom, or even a three. We're psyched we have the home we have but sometimes I wonder how it all adds up. I shouldn't, but I can't always help it. I once said I was going to change my name, change the kids' names, divorce my husband, tear up my diplomas, stop paying taxes, walk with a limp and talk with an accent and then we'd be all set. Seriously, I'd rather be me and live honestly, piddly but honestly.
Bottom line: I love my family, more than words. I love our home, our blessings, our life together. God's still working on me and He'll be doing that till the day I go home. In the meantime, I pray He helps me and Jess provide for the lit'uns as needed and gets us through the years with minimal stress over money. It's the number one cause of all negativity in this world and we really don't need it... the negativity, not the money... we do need the money.
I want the kids to remember the fun times in their childhood, not the stress that led to it sometimes. I guess that's what my parents wanted too, hence the sticker shock now that I'm here. They did a good job hiding their financial stresses, although I think it's worse now than it was then (yes, even relatively speaking). If we can make it through the soaring gas prices, we'll be giving our munchkins yet another fun-filled, memorable summer, this time with more friends and connections too.
Okay, we pay for a membership to the Y so we can pay lower fees for swim lessons. This has paid off; they swim with bubbles and no adult help now. I've paid for a few classes in the past wherein Bekah would play in the mat room and maybe make a craft once in a while, but we started to be the only ones coming and it wasn't worth the arm it cost. Daycare and Preschool? Forget it! It costs more than I make, yet I make too much to qualify for 'help' anywhere. I've been doing school-like activities at home all along though, craft, short lessons, reading, etc. We were just missing the social interactions... really missing them.
So I joined a mom's group. Found one online, not sure why I couldn't find it sooner; mustn't have looked the right way. It's a low yearly fee and there's TONS of things happening! We've so far done two mall-walks and one play-group and I love it! I can start-up with, "Hi, I'm Caroline..." and it's much less awkward being part of a group than trying to pop into conversation at the Simon's Kid Klubhouse with other parents who're trying to let their kids burn steam while they check emails and sag for a moment during their busy day. I am so glad winter's over, for real this time.
In other news, we have a backyard! Okay not so much news as: Yay, we're using it now! We starting putting together the swing-set (only missing the monkey-bars but stable and the open area is tied off for now), we have a play house thanks to a connection through a friend, and we just need to lose a pile of dirt where the shed once was and get some grass growing. I've been wanting to host a baby-toddler water party in the summer but it'd be a mud party without the grass. Only trouble is the cost. Boy, would I love to just throw out some sod and be done with it! I'd rather not have to wait for seed or have to keep my kids off the lawn, but it's the more likely option for us. Hopefully we'll get something happening in time for some backyard company. Kinda tight getting more than four adults in the house nevermind busy children running around, otherwise I'd host a playgroup.
Even on the rainy days I've been able to find something for the kids and me to keep busy and happy-ish. Besides movies and crafts, we've got an awesome library in town and they have some great children's programs. My kids love the preschool story time and they love picking out new books to bring home. It's like free preschool minus the lesson plan. If it's free, it's for me (as Jess would say). I do everything I possibly can to reduce the need for paying for preschool, although I'll likely get Bekah into some 2-day program before kindergarten, but if not I know she won't be too overwhelmed come school time.
Honestly, I'm baffled by the stay-at-home-mom thing. Jesse would have to double his paycheck, double people! And we're scraping by with our piddly mortgage! Here it is on the table (minus real figures): We both work full-time, no daycare, low mortgage, barely making it. I'm not complaining; I'm baffled. I am amazed at what God has provided for us... amazed! But I see stay-home-moms with homes that I know cost more than double ours and their kids are signed up for tons more things and I just wonder sometimes. Does that working dad really make over four times what one of us makes? We're not bagging at Market Basket. We're not living it up in a four bedroom, or even a three. We're psyched we have the home we have but sometimes I wonder how it all adds up. I shouldn't, but I can't always help it. I once said I was going to change my name, change the kids' names, divorce my husband, tear up my diplomas, stop paying taxes, walk with a limp and talk with an accent and then we'd be all set. Seriously, I'd rather be me and live honestly, piddly but honestly.
Bottom line: I love my family, more than words. I love our home, our blessings, our life together. God's still working on me and He'll be doing that till the day I go home. In the meantime, I pray He helps me and Jess provide for the lit'uns as needed and gets us through the years with minimal stress over money. It's the number one cause of all negativity in this world and we really don't need it... the negativity, not the money... we do need the money.
I want the kids to remember the fun times in their childhood, not the stress that led to it sometimes. I guess that's what my parents wanted too, hence the sticker shock now that I'm here. They did a good job hiding their financial stresses, although I think it's worse now than it was then (yes, even relatively speaking). If we can make it through the soaring gas prices, we'll be giving our munchkins yet another fun-filled, memorable summer, this time with more friends and connections too.
Super Mom/Wife working late hours
So I played the roll of busy wife/mom tonight, after I got home around 9pm. Let's just say the BFF's evening didn't go as planned. I walked in the door kind of late worrying about him getting to work on time. That was it. I walked in the door and there was little more I could do without walking on the mess that was the living room. He apologized profusely but when I saw him in jeans and a T-shirt I knew it was more important he get ready for work. Apparently they'd just gotten home 20 minutes ago or so. He had an appointment to get to, for which he was later than he wanted to be, and the kids delayed him quite a bit. (And he's usually the more capable parent.)
After making sure he didn't want help getting out the door, and seeing a plate of dinner set before me which made my stomach growl, I decided it best to eat first, clean later. After he shoved off, I had work to do. One stress reliever I've discovered is leaving the dishes for the morning (within reason). Food was scraped off and dishes set up for cleaning and that was that. Tomorrow is trash and recycle. With the kitchen cleaned up enough, I started going for trash bags from the back to the front. I grabbed the bathroom's and noticed the toilet. Yeeeaaahhhh.... Jess did mention something about Bekah getting in there and clogging it. He didn't mention the back splash of... ick... So I paused in trash duty for, uh, that duty. There, whew! Back to trash and set it in the foyer for him to pull out in the morning. Now for the living room.
We have two toddlers. I used to teach preschool. It's only natural I wanted to trade the messy toy box for a nice toy bucket organizer shelf-like thingy. Word of advice for those as anal retentive as me: it doesn't stay organized. I know, "Duh?!" But really, I still try, besides most of the toys were already scattered about between their room and the living room floor, kitchen, couch, and stroller pocket. By the way Jesse, please make sure to remove the items in the lower bin before folding said stroller. The Dora book barely survived. :)
I tidied up the million animals in their room as well and after that... it was ME time! P90X Plyometrics, here I come! So proud of myself for getting into this routine, and for Jess for getting me those DVDs. Workout complete, house mostly cleaned, toilet definitely cleaned, a small basket of kids' laundry to fold, dishes to be left for the morning... It's time for a shower and maybe one DVR'ed show.
Maybe it's the workout talking, but I feel accomplished tonight... and effing tired really but hey, we all need a super-mom/wife feeling once in a while. Tomorrow brings a dance party for the kids at the library, then hanging at Mama's before work. House shouldn't get too out of shape then... maybe...
After making sure he didn't want help getting out the door, and seeing a plate of dinner set before me which made my stomach growl, I decided it best to eat first, clean later. After he shoved off, I had work to do. One stress reliever I've discovered is leaving the dishes for the morning (within reason). Food was scraped off and dishes set up for cleaning and that was that. Tomorrow is trash and recycle. With the kitchen cleaned up enough, I started going for trash bags from the back to the front. I grabbed the bathroom's and noticed the toilet. Yeeeaaahhhh.... Jess did mention something about Bekah getting in there and clogging it. He didn't mention the back splash of... ick... So I paused in trash duty for, uh, that duty. There, whew! Back to trash and set it in the foyer for him to pull out in the morning. Now for the living room.
We have two toddlers. I used to teach preschool. It's only natural I wanted to trade the messy toy box for a nice toy bucket organizer shelf-like thingy. Word of advice for those as anal retentive as me: it doesn't stay organized. I know, "Duh?!" But really, I still try, besides most of the toys were already scattered about between their room and the living room floor, kitchen, couch, and stroller pocket. By the way Jesse, please make sure to remove the items in the lower bin before folding said stroller. The Dora book barely survived. :)
I tidied up the million animals in their room as well and after that... it was ME time! P90X Plyometrics, here I come! So proud of myself for getting into this routine, and for Jess for getting me those DVDs. Workout complete, house mostly cleaned, toilet definitely cleaned, a small basket of kids' laundry to fold, dishes to be left for the morning... It's time for a shower and maybe one DVR'ed show.
Maybe it's the workout talking, but I feel accomplished tonight... and effing tired really but hey, we all need a super-mom/wife feeling once in a while. Tomorrow brings a dance party for the kids at the library, then hanging at Mama's before work. House shouldn't get too out of shape then... maybe...
Round is a Shape
Okay so there's looking 'thin' and feeling 'thin' and really I'm not so much concerned about that as I am feeling fit. I could gain 15lbs and not care if it meant I was in better shape. I used to dance four nights a week and I was in awesome shape, but then I also had horrible wind; no cardio ability whatsoever. Years later I got into Kenpo karate thanks to a friend in a Cardio-kickboxing class. It was a rough road for a while but I found my wind thanks to an amazing instructor. So there I was, in my prime (yes, I'm going there), physically fit with cardio ability and all. Okay, so I wasn't exactly a marathon runner, but I was in great shape for me. (I also weighed 15-20lbs more than I do now for those who follow numbers. Proof they aren't everything.)
Right now, two kids and years of no hard physical activity later, I couldn't take 15 minutes of a karate class let alone a kickboxing class. I can barely climb stairs without getting winded. My kids are each about 28lbs and I can't carry both at the same time without some back pain... okay, even one without back pain. Really, it's not my style to be this un-fit. I have lost the weight, and I had about 75lbs to loose after recovering from my son. I'm less than when I got married, but I'm not that shape anymore. Child-bearing changes more than one's belly. My ribs are wider, boobs sag, chest and waist and hips are completely different proportions than they used to be. It's not about getting a different size; I have to shop for different styles than I could get before. Very frustrating! I can't tell you how many times I had to buy new bras. They are not cheap! Blasted things probably cost me a pay check.
Here's the plan: Lent starts tomorrow; so do I. I can't afford those high-profile programs like the P90X, but I do know how to work out a workout. I know how to do push-ups (albeit I'm not great), I can don sit-ups (though not like I used to), I can do jumping jacks and cardio workouts. I'll be slow at first, mostly stretching and slow strength training, but I'm going to try to stick to it. I have a couple friends who've said they'll hold me to it. Accountability is my issue. I'll go to a class if I'm signed up. I'll take my kids to the park when it's in the plan. But will I take an hour or even 30 minutes between coming home at 9pm and going to bed by midnight to actually exert myself? That's where I need someone to make sure I'm making myself do it.
So, wish me luck. No idea how much time I'll be able to commit each night, or how long this will last, or how effective a quiet, nighttime workout can be, but I'm giving it a shot. Someday, if my schedule changes, maybe I'll be able to get back to karate, or even back to staging (which I also miss dearly!!), but I won't be able to do either until I get myself back into shape, a healthy, fit shape regardless of any numbers.
Right now, two kids and years of no hard physical activity later, I couldn't take 15 minutes of a karate class let alone a kickboxing class. I can barely climb stairs without getting winded. My kids are each about 28lbs and I can't carry both at the same time without some back pain... okay, even one without back pain. Really, it's not my style to be this un-fit. I have lost the weight, and I had about 75lbs to loose after recovering from my son. I'm less than when I got married, but I'm not that shape anymore. Child-bearing changes more than one's belly. My ribs are wider, boobs sag, chest and waist and hips are completely different proportions than they used to be. It's not about getting a different size; I have to shop for different styles than I could get before. Very frustrating! I can't tell you how many times I had to buy new bras. They are not cheap! Blasted things probably cost me a pay check.
Here's the plan: Lent starts tomorrow; so do I. I can't afford those high-profile programs like the P90X, but I do know how to work out a workout. I know how to do push-ups (albeit I'm not great), I can don sit-ups (though not like I used to), I can do jumping jacks and cardio workouts. I'll be slow at first, mostly stretching and slow strength training, but I'm going to try to stick to it. I have a couple friends who've said they'll hold me to it. Accountability is my issue. I'll go to a class if I'm signed up. I'll take my kids to the park when it's in the plan. But will I take an hour or even 30 minutes between coming home at 9pm and going to bed by midnight to actually exert myself? That's where I need someone to make sure I'm making myself do it.
So, wish me luck. No idea how much time I'll be able to commit each night, or how long this will last, or how effective a quiet, nighttime workout can be, but I'm giving it a shot. Someday, if my schedule changes, maybe I'll be able to get back to karate, or even back to staging (which I also miss dearly!!), but I won't be able to do either until I get myself back into shape, a healthy, fit shape regardless of any numbers.
What's Left
I'm due to loosen the brain (what's left of it) and flex my fingers a bit. I'm breaking from the 'book' because God knows I really need a reality check. Okay, too many directions to go in here. Ever feel like your brain is full? It's a computer and, like a computer, I'm all out of memory. I don't know if I need more hard drive space, RAM, or a faster processor, but I am full up and slowing down mentally. So what if I don't know who 'famous' people are? So what if I barely catch the news and never know what people are talking about? So what if someone I know is pregnant and I just found out... and she's nine months along. I hear some people would care about these things. I'm apparently too wrapped up in my own issues to notice or care.
Okay, just stared blankly for a minute and lost myself. See?! I don't even pay attention to myself! Talk about scatter-brained! Is anyone paying attention to how daft I am lately? I'm not talking about trying to put the silverwear away in the fridge, or walking to the kitchen and forgetting why I'm there. I mean solid brain gaps, or would that be concrete brain blocks? I don't know. Part of me does care... the small part that doesn't actually dominate the part of me that tries to do things about things. Part of me wants to whack myself upside the head and say, "Hey! Get your damned act together! There's nothing wrong with you and you know it!" Other parts say, "Who cares? Disappear into some unreality and forget about it." Have I become so complacent with trying to 'not-sweat-the-little-things' that I don't care about anything anymore? I must say my stress levels are way down, but the give-a-shit factor may have been affected as well.
Alright, let's just assume for a minute that I'm just venting at my own lack of awareness of the world around me, as in news, media, friends, family, everything. It's frustrating being the person who's clueless to everything. Those who know me know I like to be the one with something clever to say, something funny or encouraging or significant somehow. Castle. Yeah, insider. But seriously, this decline of mind has been happening long before the first mini-me started succubi-ing my insides. (There's a visual for you!) I remember looking with interest and understanding at my brother's college Calculus homework while I was a junior in high school. I remember figuring a few algorithms in my head for fictional science just for fun. I remember studying the 8 human senses out of curiosity of my own anosmia. Now I'm lucky if I complete a sentence coherently. Subject, check. Predicate, check. Forget balancing my checkbook. Zero, done. (j/k, sort of.) I just want to manage cooking more than cereal for my kids' breakfast and taking them to run a few errands without getting lost or spending too much time staring at the prices and wondering if it's worth it.
On the note of running errands, I will no longer be taking my children, or myself, to places which I do not know the way... by heart. I can't navigate like I used to either. Sucks having no friends close, let alone no friends with kids close, and really no way of getting them involved in a play group. I've become the person I can't stand: that mom who's basically incapable of life. My husband does everything, cooks, cleans, shops, fixes... I can match clothes and do laundry; that's about it lately. This has done two things for me in life: I have more time with nothing I can do (reasonably or efficiently), and I have less time to figure out how to get my act together. Pull yourself together, kid! Seriously, I can't get out of my own way! (For those even reading this and wondering: Yes, I've tried the MD route and she put me on anti-convulsents...yeah not so much, thanks.)
Okay so I'm winding down on the vent and feeling like, I dunno, I at the very least accomplished putting words together in sentence format. Yay, go me. Blog, check. So you're thinking either, "Oh, Caroline, pull yourself together and stop exaggerating!" or "Haha, very cute." or "OMG, this girl needs help! When did this all start?" Maybe something in between? Whatever. Talk to me sometime about it but I'll most likely have forgotten all about posting this. Should someone be concerned? So far, I got nothing.
Okay, just stared blankly for a minute and lost myself. See?! I don't even pay attention to myself! Talk about scatter-brained! Is anyone paying attention to how daft I am lately? I'm not talking about trying to put the silverwear away in the fridge, or walking to the kitchen and forgetting why I'm there. I mean solid brain gaps, or would that be concrete brain blocks? I don't know. Part of me does care... the small part that doesn't actually dominate the part of me that tries to do things about things. Part of me wants to whack myself upside the head and say, "Hey! Get your damned act together! There's nothing wrong with you and you know it!" Other parts say, "Who cares? Disappear into some unreality and forget about it." Have I become so complacent with trying to 'not-sweat-the-little-things' that I don't care about anything anymore? I must say my stress levels are way down, but the give-a-shit factor may have been affected as well.
Alright, let's just assume for a minute that I'm just venting at my own lack of awareness of the world around me, as in news, media, friends, family, everything. It's frustrating being the person who's clueless to everything. Those who know me know I like to be the one with something clever to say, something funny or encouraging or significant somehow. Castle. Yeah, insider. But seriously, this decline of mind has been happening long before the first mini-me started succubi-ing my insides. (There's a visual for you!) I remember looking with interest and understanding at my brother's college Calculus homework while I was a junior in high school. I remember figuring a few algorithms in my head for fictional science just for fun. I remember studying the 8 human senses out of curiosity of my own anosmia. Now I'm lucky if I complete a sentence coherently. Subject, check. Predicate, check. Forget balancing my checkbook. Zero, done. (j/k, sort of.) I just want to manage cooking more than cereal for my kids' breakfast and taking them to run a few errands without getting lost or spending too much time staring at the prices and wondering if it's worth it.
On the note of running errands, I will no longer be taking my children, or myself, to places which I do not know the way... by heart. I can't navigate like I used to either. Sucks having no friends close, let alone no friends with kids close, and really no way of getting them involved in a play group. I've become the person I can't stand: that mom who's basically incapable of life. My husband does everything, cooks, cleans, shops, fixes... I can match clothes and do laundry; that's about it lately. This has done two things for me in life: I have more time with nothing I can do (reasonably or efficiently), and I have less time to figure out how to get my act together. Pull yourself together, kid! Seriously, I can't get out of my own way! (For those even reading this and wondering: Yes, I've tried the MD route and she put me on anti-convulsents...yeah not so much, thanks.)
Okay so I'm winding down on the vent and feeling like, I dunno, I at the very least accomplished putting words together in sentence format. Yay, go me. Blog, check. So you're thinking either, "Oh, Caroline, pull yourself together and stop exaggerating!" or "Haha, very cute." or "OMG, this girl needs help! When did this all start?" Maybe something in between? Whatever. Talk to me sometime about it but I'll most likely have forgotten all about posting this. Should someone be concerned? So far, I got nothing.
Of Mice and Men
There's a mouse in our house... hopefully just one but who knows? We keep finding chewed up utensils in one of the drawers and haven't had time to buy and set any traps. Maybe tomorrow. Oh tomorrow... how I long for thee... (insert music: Somedaaayyyyy....)
Ahem, yes well... As I sit here trying to rid my mind of some children's song and not think about the mess of books and toys left out in the living room, I have to mention the success of this weekend. My brother and I pulled off quite the trick getting a surprise party together for my dad's 70th and getting him up here from Texas without either parent knowing. *Mischief Managed!* We were very happy about that. It was a very busy Saturday in fact. I broke my baby toe (likely but not confirmed beyond a black joint), kicked the rents out of the house with the kids, finished a huge Italian dinner my mama started, decorated, welcomed guests, helped break-up/avoid WWIII when it came to parking and certain egos vs neighbors, surprised the crappola out of the rents, balanced socializing with running the party, and got the kids home for bed... and I did it all with the help of my BFF! He really is the best husband in the world.
Okay, cheesy moment warning: It doesn't take a compassionate woman to recognize the hard work of a loving man. I'm proof since I'm about as cold-hearted and discompassionate as one can get at times. When I'm emotional at all it's irrational. Girly? Not me baby! Cards, anniversary dates and birthdays, special momentos and tender details... Blah! I'm just not good at that stuff and it's so not on my priority list. I listened to some co-workers bitching about their husbands the other day and thought, Wow, Jess isn't like that at all, and if he did any of those things he'd have good reason and I wouldn't rag on him for it. Another girl was bitching because the flowers she got were all wrong and stupid and blahblahblah... Really? Aren't you dumped yet? If you can't appreciate the effort someone extends to you then get out of that relationship! I got a FB message on my wall along the lines of, "blah blah, mushy stuff, I luv you." Now that's the best V-Day message for me.
While we're on the subject, I'll throw the big vent out there. People spend recockulous amounts of their paychecks on flowers, cards, candy, and whatever else and all to say "I love you." But what's the real message? Are we only in love once a year, spending the rest in a rat race of work, bills, home repair or what-have-you? I'm not saying this gesture of over-spending on Hallmark-worded love notes should extend throughout the year, yet for many it does. I'm saying let's not belittle the love we have for each other by exonerating the American holiday because someone in media says so. Let's exonerate love as it was meant to be. My husband runs our little maze day in and day out, night in and night out, running himself dry for the sake of our family's well-being. We see each other about once a week, which is way more than families in the military with loved ones deployed overseas. We hardly communicate and when we do it's (unfortunately) misinterpreted or lost. We're broke, broken, tired, tried, run down, run over, but we've got something no amount of money or rest or anything else could ever offer. We've got devotion to each other, love for the person each of us is inside. Jesse is my best friend because, well, who else would put up with me, but really because he knows me and doesn't have to impress me or shower me with stereotyped gifts I'll never want or use. We're not cover models carrying around brand-name garbage at over-priced mark-ups for the sake of looking good. We look horrible for the sake of getting done what needs getting done in life. Each day I choose to love him and each day I'm never, ever disappointed.
Hey Hallmark, put that in your hat and chew hard. :p
Ahem, yes well... As I sit here trying to rid my mind of some children's song and not think about the mess of books and toys left out in the living room, I have to mention the success of this weekend. My brother and I pulled off quite the trick getting a surprise party together for my dad's 70th and getting him up here from Texas without either parent knowing. *Mischief Managed!* We were very happy about that. It was a very busy Saturday in fact. I broke my baby toe (likely but not confirmed beyond a black joint), kicked the rents out of the house with the kids, finished a huge Italian dinner my mama started, decorated, welcomed guests, helped break-up/avoid WWIII when it came to parking and certain egos vs neighbors, surprised the crappola out of the rents, balanced socializing with running the party, and got the kids home for bed... and I did it all with the help of my BFF! He really is the best husband in the world.
Okay, cheesy moment warning: It doesn't take a compassionate woman to recognize the hard work of a loving man. I'm proof since I'm about as cold-hearted and discompassionate as one can get at times. When I'm emotional at all it's irrational. Girly? Not me baby! Cards, anniversary dates and birthdays, special momentos and tender details... Blah! I'm just not good at that stuff and it's so not on my priority list. I listened to some co-workers bitching about their husbands the other day and thought, Wow, Jess isn't like that at all, and if he did any of those things he'd have good reason and I wouldn't rag on him for it. Another girl was bitching because the flowers she got were all wrong and stupid and blahblahblah... Really? Aren't you dumped yet? If you can't appreciate the effort someone extends to you then get out of that relationship! I got a FB message on my wall along the lines of, "blah blah, mushy stuff, I luv you." Now that's the best V-Day message for me.
While we're on the subject, I'll throw the big vent out there. People spend recockulous amounts of their paychecks on flowers, cards, candy, and whatever else and all to say "I love you." But what's the real message? Are we only in love once a year, spending the rest in a rat race of work, bills, home repair or what-have-you? I'm not saying this gesture of over-spending on Hallmark-worded love notes should extend throughout the year, yet for many it does. I'm saying let's not belittle the love we have for each other by exonerating the American holiday because someone in media says so. Let's exonerate love as it was meant to be. My husband runs our little maze day in and day out, night in and night out, running himself dry for the sake of our family's well-being. We see each other about once a week, which is way more than families in the military with loved ones deployed overseas. We hardly communicate and when we do it's (unfortunately) misinterpreted or lost. We're broke, broken, tired, tried, run down, run over, but we've got something no amount of money or rest or anything else could ever offer. We've got devotion to each other, love for the person each of us is inside. Jesse is my best friend because, well, who else would put up with me, but really because he knows me and doesn't have to impress me or shower me with stereotyped gifts I'll never want or use. We're not cover models carrying around brand-name garbage at over-priced mark-ups for the sake of looking good. We look horrible for the sake of getting done what needs getting done in life. Each day I choose to love him and each day I'm never, ever disappointed.
Hey Hallmark, put that in your hat and chew hard. :p
Getting Started, at the least
Getting started is always the hardest. That goes for blogs, chapters, emails, any posts, any jobs, and projects, anything. I started cutting hearts with my daughter the other day to make valentines for today. She succeeded in putting together an amazing birthday card for my dad, Papa. As a matter of fact, I'm receiving some of her 'artwork' now (torn pink, colored-on paper). She's slung two pink bags over her shoulder and is going on some imaginary trip. Oh to be young again when acted-out imaginations were part of everyday living! See that, I've completely digressed.
Okay, my 'tickets' have been recollected... now for my thoughts. I spent some time at mama's yesterday for lunch and to clean-up downstairs before Saturday's party. Vacuumed my butt off and rearranged some furniture to make a nice area for hanging out and playing Play Station or Wii. I even found a lost puzzle piece and glued it place since the completed, back-boarded puzzles were out and accessible. It was one of those 'someday' things that happened to happen... Totally rare! Feeling perhaps just as accomplished for that little feat as I did for the back-breaking stuff, I went upstairs and did a little housework for mama too. Sometimes Jess and I have so little time and too many wrenches in life to make things we plan actually happen. We still have a basement full of 'stuff' which hasn't been unpacked. I'm thinking we'd better do this before the big meltdown... just in case. Haven't had a rainy season in the Shack yet so...
In other news I've been working to a close in yet another 'chapter' which will please one friend out there. It's not remotely what I like, expected, wanted, or what fits best in the grand scheme of things. I have learned a few things from the characters and found multiple continuity errors in the verse... again. *SIGH* Yup, one step forward, eight steps back. Or is that 50-something pages more, 100-something pages to reread? AHCK! Whatev, right? Not like I have a deadline; it's just a sanity thing, something the BFF will never understand. If only I had more than an hour or two every other night, or someone to actually bounce ideas off of, or some semblance of sense... yeah, whatev.
That's been my best accomplishment by far lately: letting go, dealing, moving on. As I type, I've just had one of those moments. Bekah almost lost the whole post thus far by banging a pen against the keyboard, not that she should've had a pen... which is all over VJ's face now... *sigh* yup. Whatev. We have bigger problems, like getting charged on our checking account a large amount which was to have been canceled, but wasn't. Our oil bill from last month is still hanging on the dry-erase board in the kitchen, unpaid. The in-box on my desk is quite full. The what-do-you-want-to-do-with-these pile on Jesse's bureau is thick, but when does he have time to look at it? Oh and more Shack fun: we have mice! What fun! Jess found a chewed up spatula in the drawer. Add it to the list.
Hey, we're healthy, aside the lingering colds, eczema, sores, etc. We're in a home. We're blessed with wonderful children, ahem... "VJ, What!?!" Hmm, too quiet in the bedroom... We've got four grandparents for the lit'uns, which neither of us had. We have full time, dependable jobs. We have the Lord, which is more than enough. We are rich; I know that, and that's a start.
Okay, my 'tickets' have been recollected... now for my thoughts. I spent some time at mama's yesterday for lunch and to clean-up downstairs before Saturday's party. Vacuumed my butt off and rearranged some furniture to make a nice area for hanging out and playing Play Station or Wii. I even found a lost puzzle piece and glued it place since the completed, back-boarded puzzles were out and accessible. It was one of those 'someday' things that happened to happen... Totally rare! Feeling perhaps just as accomplished for that little feat as I did for the back-breaking stuff, I went upstairs and did a little housework for mama too. Sometimes Jess and I have so little time and too many wrenches in life to make things we plan actually happen. We still have a basement full of 'stuff' which hasn't been unpacked. I'm thinking we'd better do this before the big meltdown... just in case. Haven't had a rainy season in the Shack yet so...
In other news I've been working to a close in yet another 'chapter' which will please one friend out there. It's not remotely what I like, expected, wanted, or what fits best in the grand scheme of things. I have learned a few things from the characters and found multiple continuity errors in the verse... again. *SIGH* Yup, one step forward, eight steps back. Or is that 50-something pages more, 100-something pages to reread? AHCK! Whatev, right? Not like I have a deadline; it's just a sanity thing, something the BFF will never understand. If only I had more than an hour or two every other night, or someone to actually bounce ideas off of, or some semblance of sense... yeah, whatev.
That's been my best accomplishment by far lately: letting go, dealing, moving on. As I type, I've just had one of those moments. Bekah almost lost the whole post thus far by banging a pen against the keyboard, not that she should've had a pen... which is all over VJ's face now... *sigh* yup. Whatev. We have bigger problems, like getting charged on our checking account a large amount which was to have been canceled, but wasn't. Our oil bill from last month is still hanging on the dry-erase board in the kitchen, unpaid. The in-box on my desk is quite full. The what-do-you-want-to-do-with-these pile on Jesse's bureau is thick, but when does he have time to look at it? Oh and more Shack fun: we have mice! What fun! Jess found a chewed up spatula in the drawer. Add it to the list.
Hey, we're healthy, aside the lingering colds, eczema, sores, etc. We're in a home. We're blessed with wonderful children, ahem... "VJ, What!?!" Hmm, too quiet in the bedroom... We've got four grandparents for the lit'uns, which neither of us had. We have full time, dependable jobs. We have the Lord, which is more than enough. We are rich; I know that, and that's a start.
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