It's not forever...
I kept telling myself that over and over again as I walked to my car in the dark, empty parking lot. Yet again my mother-in-law had brewed another drama in our family. God help me! I don't know what to do anymore. Now my husband, my best friend, my only sidekick, had accused me of whatever-it-was-this-time too. The text, whose literal content is a mute point, still had me shaking and caused chest pains. Anxiety sucks. I can't even text him back anymore, not even after the three 'sorry' texts he sent. I know he didn't mean it; I know he loves me more than that.
I just can't do it anymore. The accusations, the fake happiness, the pretend-you're-listening-when-Caroline's-talking-and-smile-and-nod looks, and the DRAMA! This woman defies everything we set for our children! She delayed their coming off bottles. She kept my daughter in pull-ups longer when we had her in underwear, she kept highchairs and sippy cups when they were in regular chairs and using regular cups or cups with lids and straws. I could deal with that little at a time. I let it slide time and time again hoping she'd allow me to explain and listen to reason, let our teaching be consistent. Still she pretended to listen and defied us. I gave up so many times I lost count. I reasoned that she was still taking good care of them and they loved their Fridays with Oakey and Yaya. How could I mess with that? I hadn't the heart... then.
What kept on happening is that she would bombard my exhausted husband, my only partner in crime, with accusations, criticisms, and mothering that, quite frankly on his schedule, he didn't need nor did he have the stamina for. Usually he sided with me, I sided with him, whatever was needed because we're a team and a team needs leaders to hold it together. Tonight was different. I got the brunt of the accusation from him. Sounded pretty personal if you read the text yourself. I was downright hurt. Barely held together for the rest of work. When the office was finally closed and I headed home, I tried to calm down and drive safely.
Jesse wasn't much better than me. I let my frustration and hurt out first since I hadn't had a turn in this blowout yet. I cried more than yelled, telling him how I felt and why instead of accusing anything back. (At least, that's how I hoped it came out.) Then we sat and tried to examine what was happening. It was easy to pick apart the little things, but the bigger picture was this: an emotionally unstable woman who we trust with our children was creating emotional havoc in our marriage. This is unacceptable, but somehow unavoidable in our current situation. We need child care on Fridays. Nancy is free and beyond that is a priceless relationship from grandparent to grandchildren. Is that worth the stress? He said he no sooner walked through the door than was attacked with accusations and such and in front of the children?!
My heart can't take it anymore! This is unacceptable! There must be another way, right? Again, God help us! I don't want to break the woman's heart, nor destroy her relationship with our kids, and I don't want to break my kids' hearts! I'm desperate for an answer as Friday comes every week and the stress level is dangerously high. My husband on his limited sleep already feels like a loser (which he is NOT!) and I feel trapped in this horrid schedule! She has no idea how hurtful she is!!
Do I cut my hours somehow and lose some benefits at work to stay home on half of Fridays. Should Jess change hours? As it happened, he talked to her tonight and she was apologetic, apparently on an up-swing of sorts, and all is well now... for now. He liked my phrasing when I said she's on probation. One more slip and Fridays are gone until she gets help. We can't dive-bomb, roller-coaster, and suddenly be all better when she's afraid of losing the kids. You know what they say about empty threats. If there's a consequence, it has to be followed through or else it won't work. Something. Has. To. Work.
