So I keep a mental running list of all the things I need to do in my off-time; running as in running away from consciousness. They range from 'go for a run/jog/walk' to 'use that massage gift card finally' to 'go clothes shopping for me sans kids' and they never happen. I even have a babysitter now and a new position at work with more money so... yeah, still hasn't happened.
I never seem to have time but really most of those things require me making time. I get frustrated at all the people for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it's foolish excuses: There's a good movie on and I want to spend time with him now and he's watching it so... I should too. Sometimes it's useless blaming: I never get things done because he's always so tired... but so am I! It's not going to get me anywhere and I know it. More importantly it isn't true, not entirely. Sometimes I vent to God that I have no one to vent to... yeah, I hope I don't need to explain that one.
Bottom line, I'm the only one in my way of getting my own list of personal chores done. I'm the reason I haven't created flash cards for the kids for summer reading yet. I'm the reason I haven't worked out. I'm the reason I haven't called our babysitter more often. I'm probably the reason I haven't motivated myself too. Question is how do I hop this life obstacle.
The con of this perspective is that I'm to blame and it only brings me down in a sense. Truly it shouldn't. I should see it more 'glass-half-full' and realize that if I'm to blame then I can fix. Easier said than done. I'm working on it. If I'm the only one keeping me from doing what I want, and I'm the only one to motivate me to do what I want, then what happens when Team Me had a bad day or is sick or just plain too exhausted to move forward. A second in command would be nice.
Leads me to another 'on the list' item that I'm trying to tackle. I've been reading my Bible to clear my mind, or more like fill it with the right stuff. Sometimes I go gospel and continue in a place I left off. Sometimes I find something interesting and research it. Sometimes I do the cheesy flip through to see what opens up. Haven't done it as often as I should, but I'm getting more out of the Bible than the latest best-seller might offer (although I did like Hunger Games).
So as usual life continues to get in the way, but as in Matthew (don't ask exactly where!) Jesus warns "don't worry about what you're going to wear" and I think he might have been speaking directly to me. I've been using that particular command to keep me from, ahem, wembling too much and to just get to the task. (Thanks Fraggle Rock!) I can mount this obstacle and I'd better; there's more ahead I'm sure.
