Sorry readers who don't know me well enough. And sorry to those who do. I
know I sound bat-shit crazy in this blog, but I need to express.
I have a dream I'm running around a house trying to put things in order, from one room to another and back and stopping in between. Not my real house of course as my real house only has two rooms completely adjacent to each other. This involves stairs and doors, and knocking on the doors for assistance which sometimes comes but never as expected, and other time comes unasked but not, again, as expected, and chasing people who aren't quite there, and the task or tasks are never quite ready on time or completed correctly and this repeats throughout until the next day when I wake... um... wait...
Right! I'm not waking up because it's not a dream; it's my head. It's full. No room for accurate or halfway successful thought. Ahem, Ghost-writer, the brain is full.
I can't blame anyone but myself for having expectations of any sort. It's not anyone's fault that I get as excited about anything as I do. Positive thinking is great but it backfires. My motivation is just that: my own.
Long pause as thoughts fight for outcome.
It's not going to win. I am not going to start writing it again. Someday I will have the courage to trash it, but not today. This... this is what made writing it so satisfying. I was the only one who needed to approve it. Now this is bigger, better, more. Now I can't let it take me down that road again.
It's frustrating but it's life, and I'll get over it, sotospeak. Meanwhile, it doesn't matter how much sleep I get. Nothing counts unless I get rest. Does that make sense to anyone but me? (unwritten response)
This is but a fraction of my ever moving mind. The mind, a bridge between the spirit and the soul... so I've read. It's my latest brainwave. Honestly, can't I shut the thing off for a while?! Even in my sleep I can't stop thinking!
Maybe two docs back was right - I need psych meds. lol
The First Part of Any Journey: Go.
Been a bit since my last blog and of course I can't remember a bit of the things I keep thinking I should blog about. Ah well, I'll let my fingers do the typing.
Things are moving forward with the Youth Ministry. I look back at the many times I've felt the tug to be involved in such a thing, but I never had the opportunity with my parish. I had Catholic Student Organization in college, and some exposure to LaSallette Youth Group at that time, but little else. Jesse and I tried a few times to get something happening, some permission to even start something at our Burlington parish, but we were regarded as inexperienced kids and brushed aside. Seriously? That parish is as boring as before, and as old, no offense.
It was a true Blessing that we were sent to St. Thomas' (St. Dorothy's first actually) and now we're leading a youth ministry! I have no idea if it'll flop or fly, but so far we're moving forward and I feel like God has been working slowly on us, training us, preparing us. Some 'kids' grow up through youth ministry while others receive it on a more personal level, not being able to share what they feel and their relationship with the Lord. I had to put it in His Hands more than a few times. I had to keep myself from taking it back more than a few times. He's in control; His timing, not mine. It worked.
We 'launch' Catholic Youth Ministry' (CYM) this Sunday and kick off with a Pizza & Prayer series Friday nights during Lent. We're covering stations of the cross which can be boring or deeply spiritual depending upon how it's covered and how receptive the participants are. I imagine we'll be somewhere in the middle. Fall River had (in my college days) a spectacular stations which took place in Kennedy Square, covered three churches, had a nun who did a monologue of Mary witnessing her Son on the Cross, and a three-person choir that sounded like 40 angels. Yeah, obviously we can't dream to compete with that, but I remember how somber, how moving, how capturing many pieces of that service were and I think about ways to grasp that concept in teeny-tiny baby steps. What was covered; what was prayed; what was sung?
Leaders can't declare themselves leaders. We're always put in this position by others, else the position is weak. I was suggested by a more experienced youth leader and I prepared by God (not to say that I'm entirely ready... yet.) I owe a lot of credit to those who stand with me: my guides, my support, and my husband of course.
Will it work out? God knows and He ain't tellin'. If nothing else, the growing phase has always been enriching for me. Ever have a goal that you strive for and you're not enjoying the journey until you pay attention to it (the journey) and enjoy it on purpose? It is much more fun getting there and then once 'there' is achieved, it's far more enriching, enjoyable, enlightening. You've come so far, here you are. You made it, but not without the coming part. You want to be there? Go there. Go. It's what Jesus said to His disciples: Go.
Things are moving forward with the Youth Ministry. I look back at the many times I've felt the tug to be involved in such a thing, but I never had the opportunity with my parish. I had Catholic Student Organization in college, and some exposure to LaSallette Youth Group at that time, but little else. Jesse and I tried a few times to get something happening, some permission to even start something at our Burlington parish, but we were regarded as inexperienced kids and brushed aside. Seriously? That parish is as boring as before, and as old, no offense.
It was a true Blessing that we were sent to St. Thomas' (St. Dorothy's first actually) and now we're leading a youth ministry! I have no idea if it'll flop or fly, but so far we're moving forward and I feel like God has been working slowly on us, training us, preparing us. Some 'kids' grow up through youth ministry while others receive it on a more personal level, not being able to share what they feel and their relationship with the Lord. I had to put it in His Hands more than a few times. I had to keep myself from taking it back more than a few times. He's in control; His timing, not mine. It worked.
We 'launch' Catholic Youth Ministry' (CYM) this Sunday and kick off with a Pizza & Prayer series Friday nights during Lent. We're covering stations of the cross which can be boring or deeply spiritual depending upon how it's covered and how receptive the participants are. I imagine we'll be somewhere in the middle. Fall River had (in my college days) a spectacular stations which took place in Kennedy Square, covered three churches, had a nun who did a monologue of Mary witnessing her Son on the Cross, and a three-person choir that sounded like 40 angels. Yeah, obviously we can't dream to compete with that, but I remember how somber, how moving, how capturing many pieces of that service were and I think about ways to grasp that concept in teeny-tiny baby steps. What was covered; what was prayed; what was sung?
Leaders can't declare themselves leaders. We're always put in this position by others, else the position is weak. I was suggested by a more experienced youth leader and I prepared by God (not to say that I'm entirely ready... yet.) I owe a lot of credit to those who stand with me: my guides, my support, and my husband of course.
Will it work out? God knows and He ain't tellin'. If nothing else, the growing phase has always been enriching for me. Ever have a goal that you strive for and you're not enjoying the journey until you pay attention to it (the journey) and enjoy it on purpose? It is much more fun getting there and then once 'there' is achieved, it's far more enriching, enjoyable, enlightening. You've come so far, here you are. You made it, but not without the coming part. You want to be there? Go there. Go. It's what Jesus said to His disciples: Go.
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