Don't Bother Reading Unless You Know Me... Well...

Sorry readers who don't know me well enough. And sorry to those who do. I know I sound bat-shit crazy in this blog, but I need to express.

I have a dream I'm running around a house trying to put things in order, from one room to another and back and stopping in between. Not my real house of course as my real house only has two rooms completely adjacent to each other. This involves stairs and doors, and knocking on the doors for assistance which sometimes comes but never as expected, and other time comes unasked but not, again, as expected, and chasing people who aren't quite there, and the task or tasks are never quite ready on time or completed correctly and this repeats throughout until the next day when I wake... um... wait...

Right! I'm not waking up because it's not a dream; it's my head. It's full. No room for accurate or halfway successful thought. Ahem, Ghost-writer, the brain is full.

I can't blame anyone but myself for having expectations of any sort. It's not anyone's fault that I get as excited about anything as I do. Positive thinking is great but it backfires. My motivation is just that: my own.

Long pause as thoughts fight for outcome.

It's not going to win. I am not going to start writing it again. Someday I will have the courage to trash it, but not today. This... this is what made writing it so satisfying. I was the only one who needed to approve it. Now this is bigger, better, more. Now I can't let it take me down that road again.

It's frustrating but it's life, and I'll get over it, sotospeak. Meanwhile, it doesn't matter how much sleep I get. Nothing counts unless I get rest. Does that make sense to anyone but me? (unwritten response)

This is but a fraction of my ever moving mind. The mind, a bridge between the spirit and the soul... so I've read. It's my latest brainwave. Honestly, can't I shut the thing off for a while?! Even in my sleep I can't stop thinking!

Maybe two docs back was right - I need psych meds. lol