{Yes, I really do need to write more than once a month...}
I was heavy on the ADD today at work and couldn't focus, but once home it was put to good use. I had the kids in bed asleep, the kitchen cleaned, and the husband off to work before 9:15! Hey, that's pretty good for me! Plenty of time to write and chill, sotospeak in this heat.
I hope everyone else is finding a way to stay cool this summer. For me, staying cool is all about prayer. Dear Lord don't let the power go out again! Okay, not (just) that kind of prayer. We've been rather attacked with bills and financial crunches lately, more than ever for us. This always happens after we re-commit to some calling, some endeavor. We're currently focused on two right now: sponsoring another child and Catholic Youth Ministry. Our financial crunches are everything from utilities to medical bills to upcoming college payments (for the BFF, not the kids yet!)
Best way to not freak out, and believe me, the numbers would have me freaking out... Prayer. I get on my knees every night and lay it all on the line. Haggai 2:8, "All of the gold and the silver are mine, says the Lord." He also said, "Give to Cesar what is Cesar's." So wait, you mean the money is the Lord's or Cesar's?
The riches of the world, the nuts and bolts of what makes the world work, from produce to metal, is the Lord's. The fake printed stuff and all the bureaucracy to go with it, is the government's. Play the game and follow the rules in the country you're in, but know that the Lord can pull any strings He wants. Work like it depends on you; pray like it depends on God. That's been pretty drilled into my head by now, though it did take a while.
So we play the rob Peter to pay Paul thing once in a while. I have it in my heart that someday we'll be debt-free, but I'm not stressing over it right now. Right now I pray we stay afloat and make it by season at a time. When I feel myself slipping, ADD mind wandering into non-peaceful territory and losing patience, I stop and pray. I literally turn to Him in my mind and say, "Help! Talk to me and get my mind off this stuff! I know you'll take care where we can't but I can't see it for myself yet!"
I also have to realize that we were doing fine until we started focusing on more Godly callings. It's not like we've spent more money or starting sponsoring that second child yet. We've talked about it and mentally committed to the youth ministry with emails and plans to get this Teen Mass happening in the fall. Then, like a left hook, BAM! Crap happens. Cars make noises. Gas seems to run out quicker. Bills roll in faster. Needs happen fast and furious. Crunch! But when I realize that it's all a challenge, that it's a test of faith and a direct result of committing to His call, I wipe it away. Not the bills and RL things... I wish I could do that!
I wipe away the fears, the anxiety, the apprehension of starting new things and finding time for them. I turn to my Creator and ask for guidance. I was on a retreat in Fall River called Emmaus when I was college. Someone explained the word 'guidance' as meaning God+you+I=dance. He knows the way, the steps, the whole routine; let Him lead. I'm not afraid to move forward with these endeavors. I'm, well, sometimes nervous, but I'm not backing down. He's for me, so who can be against me? He's for all of us, and yet we fear. It's a big what-if, but what if we all united and stepped into the heart of fear and took the Love of Christ with us and brandished faith like no other and tore down the walls of doubt? Is the challenge too big? Not for One, and He's leading me. What have I to fear? (Sense a Casting Crowns song here?)
So off I go to do battle with a few dragons, thankfully not the fire-breathing kind, though you never know in this heat. We've already conquered a few little ones, but not until we acknowledged, out-loud, verbally, that this was a direct attack against our heavenly commitment, and prayed about it. God didn't set us up to watch us fail. There's a young girl who needs a sponsor and is too old to be chosen by most. There's a faith community whose teens need spiritual guidance outside the usual weekly Mass and Religious Ed classes. There's probably more, but my head can only take so much at a time. Maybe I could commit to writing a little more often.
