Learning of Love

Okay, I know this is overdue... and I can't even promise anything good since I'm diving in without a plan (and with the Bruins' game on) but at least I'm taking the time to put something down.

I don't know where to begin with all that's been on my mind lately. It's not like I haven't typed enough about the Love Shack or my lit'uns lately, or even the BFF. I guess the gist of what I've been meaning to blog about lately has been love. I suppose with Valentine's Day only a few weeks away it's not out of place. Actually, it's never a bad time to talk about love. There's a post I've been wanting to put together specifically but I don't have time, or the proper poise, tonight. Instead I'll recap my experiences from the last few weeks.

My heart has been aching lately, and no, not in a bad way. I've actually felt it 'growing' at times when some emotional or inspirational moment happens to someone before me and I feel the words, "Look. See what's happening." I've been observing, both others and myself. Of course I can only do anything about myself. Over the last couple months I've found ways to become more patient with my children, more understanding  with my husband, more compassionate for our parents, and more forgiving for others. It's not easy. I can't express all I'd like to for privacy reasons, yet I can say that in my observations it's clear that there is only One direction in which to turn for comfort: Love. I've spent time in prayer for the purposes which perhaps I'll write about later, but nothing makes my heart ache more than the loss of that direction especially when caused by tragedy and a feeling of hopelessness.

Let me lighten the mood a bit. The other observations of love have been the change in our lives, our daily routines. My parents have been missing our children something terrible. We spent the weekend together by going to the mall on Saturday followed by dinner at their house and on Sunday they watched the kids while Jess and I cleaned some more of our things out of their basement... followed by dinner again. They get their kid-fix and we get stuff done, plus the kids get a change of scenery. It was especially nice to get out and about for me when we walked around the mall, plus Jess got to sleep in a quiet house after an overnight shift. And oh boy do my parents love to spoil the kids!

There's a carousel in the food court at the mall we went to and it was a buck a ride. Now, I don't think I've mentioned yet that my parents have stepped it up and gotten iPhones (an entirely other story). After Bekah picked our her horse (the only black horse), called it Callico, and climbed up and stuck her feet in the stirrups, I strapped them in and wedged between the close horses to hold her and VJ on. I don't know which was funnier, spending the ride listening to them cry, "WEeeeeee!!" while Mammy and Papa had their noses in their phones trying to work the camera, or noticing the relief of the anatomically correct male 'cherubs' on the back of the carriage in front of us.

Okay, I'm so distracted by the myriad of directions in which to go and the fact that the Bs need to score soon! Ahem, I was speaking of growth through observation of love. Ah yes, observing love. It's not just seen in the interactions of my parents and children. It's in the way the lit'uns beg me to sing to them at night (which Jess thinks is silly, but I love it). It's in the way my BFF makes me a plate of dinner every night, or spends all his free time clearing the feet of snow we've gotten, or the way we haul ourselves out of bed to comfort crying children. It's in the way my parents have forgiven debt because they know our financial troubles (although they have them too). It's observable far beyond our little family. It's in the way friends come together for someone suffering a great loss. It's in the way one person tries to understand another's pain while others see only the shallow surface of grief. It's in the way people do without needing to be asked, regardless of self sacrifice and foregoing self-preservation. It's far beyond that as well.

In my observations, I have found love to also be defined in the continuous turning to God in prayer; for what we do not understand He does, always. Love is not just found in our strength but in our weaknesses. Is it not love when my young ones cry for me? Is it not love when they're frustrated, scared, lonely, hungry, thirsty, bored, and they turn to someone who cares for them to solve what they cannot? Is it not love when we, in desperation, turn to Him who formed us for comfort, support, strength, guidance, and sometimes answers. I know my children don't always understand the answers I offer them, and that's through audible communication. I shouldn't wonder why so many are lost in the ways that God communicates to us. It's difficult to hear His Word when our minds are otherwise occupied. I'm no pro by any means, but I'm learning, growing, observing.